The Dance of Uncertainty Continues...

[PigPen]

Hmmm...I'm going to dump some thoughts in here as they come to me. Feel free to chime in with any comments.

Toots said to really listen, and I did. And I still am and am digesting everything.

If I listen carefully it seems like what my W kept saying is that we didn't need to dredge up the past. That she "knows why I was the way I was, the tools I had from my family background, and the stresses that I was under, and has forgiven me. That I was doing the best I could with the tools I had."

Before calling her today, I had sent her an email (as discussed with my DB Coach) asking about doing the 9th step - making amends with her. In that email I had said I would be completely honest with her about my addictive past and how it had effected our M.

She spoke to her cousin before getting that email so I'm wondering if she was telling him that she was interested in moving forward, but was telling me that she didn't want to dredge up the past. Thus all the talk about closure.

I wonder if my email isn't the issue and that she is willing to sit down with the MC but doesn't want it all to be about who did what, said what, and what went wrong in our M since she has moved past all of that. Perhaps she thinks that is all that I was going to talk about (as I had stated in my email).

Or maybe I just need to drop it and get on with my weekend.