MLC Divorce and Cancer Continued

[LoisB]

Love you my sweet friend. Prayers to you.

Right back atcha :-)

I know calling him Satan is a bit strong. I guess, for me, it helps when I keep things grounded in black and white...or dark and light.

I think my h was very vulnerable to the dark thanks to a fairly wicked upbringing and his history of escape into drugs. He may have been a walking target.

I know there's still goodness and, I'm certain, a lot of pain inside him. But, after 3+ years of this, I've finally reached the point where I see he isn't open to any persuasion back to the light on my part. I can't say he was ever very open to the light, he seems more content in the darkness. It's what he knows.

And, when he has done things like what your h did with the money, I'd get myself all twisted and infected with the situation. I'd reach out and try to force him to embrace his wrongdoing. Even if I received some acknowledgement of the wrongdoing, I'm not sure it was worth it because I'd get so worked up and hopeful and angry and blah, blah, blah.

Quite honestly, it's those times when I've prayed or tried to connect to his soul in meditation when I've seen the most progress. i don't really do it anymore, sadly because he seems so far away from my life. For a time, however, I meditated daily telling him how much he was loved and missed. In those times, he would peak out of the rabbit hole.

I really think you are on the right track when you stick to prayer in this situation. He is a quagmire of toxicity right now. Ironic isn't it? YOU being the one getting all the bad stuff to kill the cancer and your H being the one who packed to the hilt with toxicity? Weird. HE works in mysterious ways.