First post. Desperate for advice.

[Matt777]

I think every single person here is willing to take the blame for their contributions to the destruction of their respective marriages. Nobody is trying to claim their S just decided to leave without cause.

There is no benefit in focusing on the single straw that may have broken the camels back. Instead, focus on the overall issues.

Hello Last,

Matt is spot-on with this post from earlier today. Please, please for your sake don't think another moment about Mother's Day.

Now, on the other hand, I think you took a tough but huge step today by not pursuing your W. See, we all knew you'd get the hang of this. It takes time, my friend.

Way to go, Last, keep up the good work!

Chin up.

Bob

Thank you. The encouragement helps. It really does. I promise I am going to pay it forward. As soon as I am stable enough to believe what is coming out of my own mouth, I am going to start supporting other new arrivals here.

Right now reading their stories only serves to heighten my anxiety, so I have been avoiding them.

Another day, another failure. I caught her lying to me about an outing and said something. She got angry and defensive of course.

I don't understand. How did you "catch" her? You have to stop snooping in her email or with her friends or whatever.

I am not sure I can do this. She is toying with me. Thursday very loving and attentive and Friday disabling the toll unit on her vehicle so she can travel the expressways without any record. I wasn't checking, but who disables that and pays cash unless they are up to something.

I also don't understand this. What are you not sure of? What is the alternative? You can certainly go and file for divorce on your own whenever you want. Your choices are basically to keep going, file for divorce or drive your wife to file ASAP.

I am not sure I can handle the emotional toll that having someone tell you they love you and the next day act to deceive so they can do who knows what. I am not sure I WANT to make that sacrifice. WHO IS THIS PERSON that can do that to me, to her family?

So keep her out of your thoughts. Stop worrying about improving your marriage. Start worrying about improving you. There is no magic button to make this better. It takes hard work and TIME. and probably a $hitload of pain. But if you do it, you can come out the other side happy + healthy. You're going to have to go through this eventually...might as well do it now.