First post. Desperate for advice.

[Matt777]

Hey Last, have you bought any new clothes? It helps when you're going out GALing. Makes her wonder just like you did.

E

No. Is that effective? The other day I told her I was going to a movie alone. I dressed nicely. Not overly but I was well groomed. I sprayed on some cologne. I went to leave and she freaked out. She was thinking that I was headed out to meet someone in order to "punish" her.

I was really just trying to look nice. Following the DB rules. It was for her. But she didn't see it that way.

New clothes eh? Not a bad idea.

This was all good. Except why would you TELL her you were going alone? Just get dressed up, say you have some plans, and go. I don't KNOW that new clothes are effective, but it doesn't hurt - or new shoes.

[Matt777]

I think every single person here is willing to take the blame for their contributions to the destruction of their respective marriages. Nobody is trying to claim their S just decided to leave without cause.

There is no benefit in focusing on the single straw that may have broken the camels back. Instead, focus on the overall issues.

Hello Last,

Matt is spot-on with this post from earlier today. Please, please for your sake don't think another moment about Mother's Day.

Now, on the other hand, I think you took a tough but huge step today by not pursuing your W. See, we all knew you'd get the hang of this. It takes time, my friend.

Way to go, Last, keep up the good work!

Chin up.

Bob

Thank you. The encouragement helps. It really does. I promise I am going to pay it forward. As soon as I am stable enough to believe what is coming out of my own mouth, I am going to start supporting other new arrivals here.

Right now reading their stories only serves to heighten my anxiety, so I have been avoiding them.

I think you have it in reverse - I believe posting on other threads helps you become more stable.

[Last]

I think every single person here is willing to take the blame for their contributions to the destruction of their respective marriages. Nobody is trying to claim their S just decided to leave without cause.

There is no benefit in focusing on the single straw that may have broken the camels back. Instead, focus on the overall issues.

Hello Last,

Matt is spot-on with this post from earlier today. Please, please for your sake don't think another moment about Mother's Day.

Now, on the other hand, I think you took a tough but huge step today by not pursuing your W. See, we all knew you'd get the hang of this. It takes time, my friend.

Way to go, Last, keep up the good work!

Chin up.

Bob

Thank you. The encouragement helps. It really does. I promise I am going to pay it forward. As soon as I am stable enough to believe what is coming out of my own mouth, I am going to start supporting other new arrivals here.

Right now reading their stories only serves to heighten my anxiety, so I have been avoiding them.

Another day, another failure. I caught her lying to me about an outing and said something. She got angry and defensive of course.

I am not sure I can do this. She is toying with me. Thursday very loving and attentive and Friday disabling the toll unit on her vehicle so she can travel the expressways without any record. I wasn't checking, but who disables that and pays cash unless they are up to something.

I am not sure I can handle the emotional toll that having someone tell you they love you and the next day act to deceive so they can do who knows what. I am not sure I WANT to make that sacrifice. WHO IS THIS PERSON that can do that to me, to her family?

[Matt777]

I think every single person here is willing to take the blame for their contributions to the destruction of their respective marriages. Nobody is trying to claim their S just decided to leave without cause.

There is no benefit in focusing on the single straw that may have broken the camels back. Instead, focus on the overall issues.

Hello Last,

Matt is spot-on with this post from earlier today. Please, please for your sake don't think another moment about Mother's Day.

Now, on the other hand, I think you took a tough but huge step today by not pursuing your W. See, we all knew you'd get the hang of this. It takes time, my friend.

Way to go, Last, keep up the good work!

Chin up.

Bob

Thank you. The encouragement helps. It really does. I promise I am going to pay it forward. As soon as I am stable enough to believe what is coming out of my own mouth, I am going to start supporting other new arrivals here.

Right now reading their stories only serves to heighten my anxiety, so I have been avoiding them.

Another day, another failure. I caught her lying to me about an outing and said something. She got angry and defensive of course.

I don't understand. How did you "catch" her? You have to stop snooping in her email or with her friends or whatever.

I am not sure I can do this. She is toying with me. Thursday very loving and attentive and Friday disabling the toll unit on her vehicle so she can travel the expressways without any record. I wasn't checking, but who disables that and pays cash unless they are up to something.

I also don't understand this. What are you not sure of? What is the alternative? You can certainly go and file for divorce on your own whenever you want. Your choices are basically to keep going, file for divorce or drive your wife to file ASAP.

I am not sure I can handle the emotional toll that having someone tell you they love you and the next day act to deceive so they can do who knows what. I am not sure I WANT to make that sacrifice. WHO IS THIS PERSON that can do that to me, to her family?

So keep her out of your thoughts. Stop worrying about improving your marriage. Start worrying about improving you. There is no magic button to make this better. It takes hard work and TIME. and probably a $hitload of pain. But if you do it, you can come out the other side happy + healthy. You're going to have to go through this eventually...might as well do it now.

[Bob723]

Hi Last,

I have to jump on the "Matt bandwagon." I agree with his thoughts and advice 100%.

What do you feel is your next step?

I know, it's so hard when things seem to be crumbling down. But you can work on yourself to be the "Best Last" you can.

Chin up, buddy!

Bob

[Last]

I think every single person here is willing to take the blame for their contributions to the destruction of their respective marriages. Nobody is trying to claim their S just decided to leave without cause.

There is no benefit in focusing on the single straw that may have broken the camels back. Instead, focus on the overall issues.

Hello Last,

Matt is spot-on with this post from earlier today. Please, please for your sake don't think another moment about Mother's Day.

Now, on the other hand, I think you took a tough but huge step today by not pursuing your W. See, we all knew you'd get the hang of this. It takes time, my friend.

Way to go, Last, keep up the good work!

Chin up.

Bob

Thank you. The encouragement helps. It really does. I promise I am going to pay it forward. As soon as I am stable enough to believe what is coming out of my own mouth, I am going to start supporting other new arrivals here.

Right now reading their stories only serves to heighten my anxiety, so I have been avoiding them.

Another day, another failure. I caught her lying to me about an outing and said something. She got angry and defensive of course.

I don't understand. How did you "catch" her? You have to stop snooping in her email or with her friends or whatever.

I am not sure I can do this. She is toying with me. Thursday very loving and attentive and Friday disabling the toll unit on her vehicle so she can travel the expressways without any record. I wasn't checking, but who disables that and pays cash unless they are up to something.

I also don't understand this. What are you not sure of? What is the alternative? You can certainly go and file for divorce on your own whenever you want. Your choices are basically to keep going, file for divorce or drive your wife to file ASAP.

I am not sure I can handle the emotional toll that having someone tell you they love you and the next day act to deceive so they can do who knows what. I am not sure I WANT to make that sacrifice. WHO IS THIS PERSON that can do that to me, to her family?

So keep her out of your thoughts. Stop worrying about improving your marriage. Start worrying about improving you. There is no magic button to make this better. It takes hard work and TIME. and probably a $hitload of pain. But if you do it, you can come out the other side happy + healthy. You're going to have to go through this eventually...might as well do it now.

I am realizing that. I am also realizing that a single question can turn into a huge blowup that is best avoided. I am just really struggling with the dynamic of "I love you" one day and then deception the next.

Today was a big setback. She is pretty pissed. I also have a hard time with having been the one who was cheated on, and SHE is angry at me. It's like bizarro world.

[Fogg]

Today was a big setback. She is pretty pissed. I also have a hard time with having been the one who was cheated on, and SHE is angry at me. It's like bizarro world.

I believe that's a common reaction/tactic by a WW, place blame back on the LBS to keep them off what they are doing. If she had nothing to hide she wouldn't mind you checking things. If she had remorse for what shes done she would do anything to show you she was willing to fix it.

Shes holding onto that WW behavior because in her heart that's the only thing that will make her happy and she will do anything to get it.

I think it was discussed in "For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife by sandi2" thread listed by Cadet at the beginning of your thread. If you haven't read it yet now might be a good time.

[Bob723]

Shes holding onto that WW behavior because in her heart that's the only thing that will make her happy and she will do anything to get it.

I think it was discussed in "For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife by sandi2" thread listed by Cadet at the beginning of your thread. If you haven't read it yet now might be a good time.

Last,

My buddy Fogg has some excellent points ^^^^^^^^^^

Have you read "For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife by sandi2" at all? If you did, was it a while ago? If this is the case, please read it again.

Try to keep a PMA. Take things one step at a time.

Your friend,

Bob

[Matt777]

I'm assuming your question wasn't "do you want me to make you some eggs?"

I'm guessing it had to do with her calls or texts or clothes or whereabouts.

You can keep asking these questions and keep having these arguments or you can stop. There is NOTHING to be gained from it. Don't just say you want to change or that you Have changed. CHANGE.

[Elly4]

Last, I know this is hard. If you read any of our sitches we all started out the same. You need to keep reminding yourself that your W is not the woman you've been with right now. Don't believe her on the good or bad days.

Believe in yourself! I do. I know you can't do this!!

Praying for you,
E