Aren't you supposed to be training for the Braemar Games? Get crackin' on the log tossing thing.
Cabers? Ha, I pick my teeth with them.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Ok guys, I'm making food before I head out. So back to the original topic now that the schedule with S9 is sorted. WW posed this question
Quote:
Can I ask you a question though? What so you think is the alternative to separation and/or divorce? This is not meant to be a confrontational question. I am interested in understanding what you think is a workable alternative so I have a better understanding of your thoughts on this. I am hoping you will get back to me to give me more insight because it is this particular area that I feel I don’t understand your stance or the future that you envisage.
She's pressed now a couple of times for an answer and so far I've evaded it. No hurry on this one.
And, I like GB's direct approach although I believe my situation is too mature for what is he says (no offence GB, please stick with me), and I like wonka's word smithing. And one last DB principle, moving on. So with that in mind here is what I have so far.
W
Right now i'd like to think about the here and now and not talk about the future. There is only one alternative to getting a D and that is to not get a D.
If somewhere at the back of your mind you are having second thoughts then we should talk before this goes too far.
If on the other hand you want to continue down this path where there are no winners, only losers then I have far too many important things going on in my life to waste any more energy on these types of conversations.
Could do with some work but as a skeleton it's a start. Thoughts?
Last edited by NDY; 06/19/1506:54 PM.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Hi mv. I think sometimes the unwritten speakers louder than the written. It was something GB said that resonated with me. About letting her rant. So not explaining to her what that means may well open a floodgate. Who knows?
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Upnorth, my man. You got that basement decked out for me yet? Plane tickets are booked. Cost a fortune for the golf clubs and fishing rods but hey.
Anyway, what's the alternative you suggest? Interested to hear your views.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
NDY...I just caught up on your situation. The Fathers day thing is completely selfish and disrespectful, big time shout out to you for keeping a cool head, I think I would have lost it.
If you mention anything to her about not getting a D I would make sure to include something about TRYING to make it work, not sure if you even want to go that in depth though. I have mentioned to my W I don't know if we can make it work, but I am the one who is willing to TRY; she doesn't even want to do that. I just don't ever want to give my W the assumption she can just come back to me with no questions' asked.
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
More I think about it the more I realise this email doesn't need to be sent. When she asks again I'll simply say if she wants to talk she knows where to find me.
Now off to lose some money.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Right now i'd like to think about the here and now and not talk about the future. There is only one alternative to getting a D and that is to not get a D.
If somewhere at the back of your mind you are having second thoughts then we should talk before this goes too far.
I think this could make her dig her heels in and deny it, even if she has it.
If on the other hand you want to continue down this path where there are no winners, only losers then I have far too many important things going on in my life to waste any more energy on these types of conversations.
This to me is off-putting. It sounds a little hostile and condescending.
What is your idea? What would you like to see happen?
I still think you can use some of the points I wrote, especially the last two - because if you think it's too late, there wasn't any point in bringing this up to begin with, right?
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
"NDY...I just caught up on your situation. The Fathers day thing is completely selfish and disrespectful, big time shout out to you for keeping a cool head, I think I would have lost it."
I liked Painter's post as well, but if think you should not send the e-mail, I back you on that. That could be your best bet now.
Vets, anyone else have time to help our friend NDY?
Chin up. you're doing well under super-tough circumstances.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
