Roommates for the Next Two Months

[DifRent]

So, this was interesting...

I dropped a quick note to a woman who I know my W has been talking to... a European woman (like my W) with a similar career background who is, shall we say, a bit blunt with her opinions. She is also the only "friend" my W has in this area who isn't also "our" friend... although I really like this woman and we probably would have become good friends, it's just that we only met for the first time in February.

In any case, she has "liked" a few of my Facebook posts lately, and I just sent a message thanking her for being such a good listening ear for my W during all these difficult times.

She wrote back quickly and said, "I am truly sorry for all the things you are going through together. I am not sure what the outcome will be, but I know from what I hear that you are an amazing woman and deserve all the happiness in the world. I know I am not the right person to give you advice, but I really think it would be best to let her totally go and experience for herself what/who is important in her life or not. (Right out of the DB book yes???) As long as there is some connection left between the two of you, she will never be able to figure it out. I am sorry to be harsh about it, I just want the best for the two of you, whatever that looks like. But I know Ella needs to go through this period without you, to truly understand your importance in her life. Please know you can always reach out to me!"

I wrote back that I knew she was right, we do need distance. She wrote back, "I know this must be very painful for you, but there is nothing you can do to make it better. I do hear from everything she still loves you, but she doubts if that is as a life partner or in the capacity of a friend. If you push it too hard now, that friendship later down the road will become impossible (you know much better then I do how stubborn she is ...), and that would be a shame. You were put in each other's lives for a certain reason!"

I said, "Stubborn, yes! lol You know, I'm not really pushing anything. If I had one 'complaint" about her in the course of our relationship, it's that she projects. To be honest, the woman she is now is not at all the woman I've known the past five years. And I don't want to be with this woman. Sure, there is some residual anger that seeps through simply because I'm human, but I always apologize for overstepping my bounds. Strangely, she gives mixed messages herself... hugging and kissing and touching me even when I say don't do that. We just need to ride this next month or two till we are physically separated. She's confused, I know. But I'm in a place now where whatever happens, happens. Like you say, we are in each other's lives for a reason. And we can't play God at this point and know what that is."

She said she was a good listener and was here to "talk" if I ever needed someone to listen.

I said, "I believe and know just from this chat that you are a good listener! And I would take you up on that. But... I think (W) deserves a good listener who isn't also listening to me... even though you just listened to me. All I can say is that when you listen to her, know that she's in a confused and challenging place. And that I see myself as a 'lighthouse.' That when the storm calms, I'm here, if she wants to come and talk to me. If not, well... I will just love her from afar. But.. I'm grateful she has the likes of you to listen to her, no matter what."

She said, "You are amazing Sue. I promise you to be there for her as a friend."

Hmmm. This woman has a grasp of the DB philosophy without even knowing it. But did I overstep my bounds by saying as much as I did? I thought that the fact she replied to me so quickly meant that she's been wanting to reach out to me. I don't want to spend too much time parsing her words, but apparently, my W is saying things to her that are much kinder than what she's saying to me.

Of course, I'm writing this late on a Friday night after a few gin and tonics and the bed is calling me... it's only day one of our novena.