I think every single person here is willing to take the blame for their contributions to the destruction of their respective marriages. Nobody is trying to claim their S just decided to leave without cause.
There is no benefit in focusing on the single straw that may have broken the camels back. Instead, focus on the overall issues.
I had a small victory today. My W did something odd. She was home alone all day after asking me to put our 2 kids in daycare so she could have a break (been with them all week). I did.
At some point she showered up, did her hair, put on makeup, put on perfume, and then drove 45 minutes from home to go to a restaurant that we both like. Because they have food she likes. Then she drove back home.
This drove my brain into hyperdrive and I really wanted to question, back check, and "get to the bottom" of what was "really going on". But I did not. I did not question her. I did not pursue in any way. She texted me several times while she was out. I still don't know if she was where she says she was (the logic of getting dressed up to drive 45 minutes for a sandwich escapes me). BUT, I am choosing not to push her and drive her further away. It was very VERY hard. But I did it!!!
Me: 39 W: 38 T-18yrs M-13yrs 2 Girls: 10 & 3 EA BD 5/24/15 Separate Bedrooms 6/12/15 PA BD 7/3/15 Separate Residence 8/8/15
Yea, Last! No pursuing was a wonderful step on the road to DBing!
Congratulations!
E
Thank you. It was super hard. I really had to fight the urge to question. Next I'd like to work on my overactive imagination. Was what she did odd? yes. But, the food there IS great. Is she within her rights to look nice when she decides to go out? YES! Those are the only facts.
I long for the day that I can go back to trusting and not have to wonder. Until then though, I'd really like to not torture myself.
Me: 39 W: 38 T-18yrs M-13yrs 2 Girls: 10 & 3 EA BD 5/24/15 Separate Bedrooms 6/12/15 PA BD 7/3/15 Separate Residence 8/8/15
Last weekend I asked to swing by and see my W but she said she'd be out for the day. When I told my buddy he said, "She was probably home and lying to you."
I replied that thinking that she was anything but truthful would make me insane due to the possibilities.
Found out four days later from another buddy that she was over at his house all day visiting his wife.
No need to let your imagination run riot on you.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Hey Last, have you bought any new clothes? It helps when you're going out GALing. Makes her wonder just like you did.
E
No. Is that effective? The other day I told her I was going to a movie alone. I dressed nicely. Not overly but I was well groomed. I sprayed on some cologne. I went to leave and she freaked out. She was thinking that I was headed out to meet someone in order to "punish" her.
I was really just trying to look nice. Following the DB rules. It was for her. But she didn't see it that way.
New clothes eh? Not a bad idea.
Me: 39 W: 38 T-18yrs M-13yrs 2 Girls: 10 & 3 EA BD 5/24/15 Separate Bedrooms 6/12/15 PA BD 7/3/15 Separate Residence 8/8/15
I think every single person here is willing to take the blame for their contributions to the destruction of their respective marriages. Nobody is trying to claim their S just decided to leave without cause.
There is no benefit in focusing on the single straw that may have broken the camels back. Instead, focus on the overall issues.
Hello Last,
Matt is spot-on with this post from earlier today. Please, please for your sake don't think another moment about Mother's Day.
Now, on the other hand, I think you took a tough but huge step today by not pursuing your W. See, we all knew you'd get the hang of this. It takes time, my friend.
Way to go, Last, keep up the good work!
Chin up.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I think every single person here is willing to take the blame for their contributions to the destruction of their respective marriages. Nobody is trying to claim their S just decided to leave without cause.
There is no benefit in focusing on the single straw that may have broken the camels back. Instead, focus on the overall issues.
Hello Last,
Matt is spot-on with this post from earlier today. Please, please for your sake don't think another moment about Mother's Day.
Now, on the other hand, I think you took a tough but huge step today by not pursuing your W. See, we all knew you'd get the hang of this. It takes time, my friend.
Way to go, Last, keep up the good work!
Chin up.
Bob
Thank you. The encouragement helps. It really does. I promise I am going to pay it forward. As soon as I am stable enough to believe what is coming out of my own mouth, I am going to start supporting other new arrivals here.
Right now reading their stories only serves to heighten my anxiety, so I have been avoiding them.
Me: 39 W: 38 T-18yrs M-13yrs 2 Girls: 10 & 3 EA BD 5/24/15 Separate Bedrooms 6/12/15 PA BD 7/3/15 Separate Residence 8/8/15
