So H was suppose to watch S today. He left my house at 9:15 to go to gym I had to leave at 9:45 to go to work. So he left S10 alone from 9:15a.m. and he didn't come back until 1:00'ish I am angry. He left him for 4 hours alone.
I am not sure how to handle this but I feel like something needs said and when I do I know he will get angry and defensive. Any thoughts?
I would definitely have a discussion w/your h about leaving your son alone for 4 hours. When you speak to him, please try to keep your voice very calm and keep your emotions in check. This is not acceptable behavior.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Now I just got a text from H saying he was gong to leave early and leave S home alone for 45 minutes until I get home from work because he wants to go ride with his buddies.
I am trying not to say anything but it is hard so he rather spend time motorcycle riding then stay with his S10 until I get home. I see where I rate. I don't at all so nothing has gotten better for sure.
so far I just simply said " Have Fun". What do you think?
Breathe! He's acting out and just like a teenager!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am breathing really hard!! I can't believe I haven't even reacted this is a huge step for me codependent breaking 101 normally I would have responded while married with Don't you want to spend time with us or just a "really"? and after we separated I would have asked him who he was or what he was really doing or if he was cheating.
This is hard but I am telling myself it is his right and it doesn't mean he is going off to cheat on me and if it does then that is his choice and he will have to live with it and I can't control it. I am a good person no matter what he chooses to do.
Now I have to let it go and just look at it as him going and having his fun and it is no reflection on me.
This is what I am learning in the book but it is hard to do thank goodness I can vent here get it out and move on. Thanks to all the great advice and help.
How and when or if your marriage works out, how do you end up getting back together like I mean when I think about if we do stay M and we get back together will everything be awkward because you live separately and if you are like me there is no physical contact.
How long do you go without physical contact? Doesn't that just open the door for an A if there isn't one?
I am assuming the WAS would initiate that but when does it get to be so long that it can't come back?
If and when your marriage works out, you h will have a lot of heavy duty work to do to show you that he is serious about reconciling. He will need to earn your trust and I do mean "earn" it. He will need to be transparent in the things he does, i.e., emails, text message, phone calls, etc. He will need to be willing to show you these things if you should ask.
Also, you should start out as friends, i.e., just as did many years ago. Both of you will need to remember that the old marriage is dead and you are starting out in a new relationship. You can't go back to the old ways and think it will work or else you will have some problems along the way. Both of you have changed in many ways.
As for physical contact...that is up to you, but I wouldn't be so willing to have sex w/him until he's proven himself to you. You don't want to be a booty call and there for his convenience. Also, he will need to be willing to go for STD testing.
You don't decide for him as to whether he wants to reconcile. He's the one that has to determine if he truly wants back in. If he doesn't, then you go your separate ways. If he does want to reconcile, YOU and only YOU can determine if you want to try again. Also, you have the power to determine whether or not you want to leave the door ajar and for how long while you continue your own journey.
There are some that crisis people that remarry, divorce and then reconnect w/their first spouses. There are some that just walk away for many years and then reconnect w/their former spouses and then you have those who don't want to do the work or think it would be too difficult to face everyone after so much time has passed and don't reconnect. Bottom line, the future is a way off and it's not something you can plan for except to live your life to the fullest and as if he may not return.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
