Just Fishin'

[Bob723]

Hi Mahhhty,

You're very welcome, sir. I get what you mean, "Familiar to have her here, in the house with the kids, playing, preparing, etc." It's good for your sake that you didn't have any expectations.

I read about the promotion offer. Whether you take it or choose not to, congratulations buddy!

I wish you all the best.

Bob

[mahhhty]

Thanks Defacto & Bob. I passed on the promotion today. It is for a job I know I could handle but choose not to at this time (I am promised another position when a new contract is signed.... this gives me more time to work on the startups).

[Bob723]

You're welcome, mahhhty. It sounds like you made a wise move.

Good for you and good luck.

I hope you enjoy your Father's Day weekend!

Bob

[mahhhty]

Very interesting day....

I dropped the kids off at daycare this AM (X - MIL runs the daycare). She started telling me how my X-FIL is not doing so good. How his previous kidney transplant may be failing and the other strains on his body as a result.

As the day went on, I couldn't help getting that idea out of my head. I started thinking about all the lost time because of the D. A group of us (him, myself, my friend and X-BIL) all used to hang out frequently (bars, golf, etc). I then started thinking about my S's birthday party and how everyone said they had a good time and it was good to get together, etc. So I decided to approach the group to see if everyone wanted to get a drink tomorrow. They all said yes.

Day continued with me picking up the kids. When I got there X-MIL was with X-SIL (and her daughters). My X-SIL handed me a picture frame. She had sat down with my kids and had them paint me a canvas picture frame (with their handprints, footprints & finger painting). Which they did today. It is beautiful and so so thoughtful. Yesterday I got my Fathers Day presents from the X that she did with the kids, which is a step up from painting on computer paper. As my kids are so very proud of all their artwork, so I am. I display it all very proudly. However X-SIL's present obviously had more thought behind it.

Then tonight, X called my work cell and didn't leave a message. I was going to text her back, but choose not to. I would think if she really needed something she would leave a message or a text.

In summary, as the day played out I realized that through all of this, these people still care about me, and I care about them.

I'm not sure how my X would view this. It would be very easy for her to continue to play a victim aka point at others....
to say that her family is siding with me.
to say that they aren't supporting her.
to say they aren't listening to her.

I imagine if she were to play the victim still, it would still be bc she has chosen not to be introspective or learn. But honestly, this is all just a guess. Only she would know her reaction to this.

[mahhhty]

You're welcome, mahhhty. It sounds like you made a wise move.

Good for you and good luck.

I hope you enjoy your Father's Day weekend!

Bob

Thanks Bob! And Happy Father's Day! Any plans?

[Bob723]

You're welcome mahhhty. Yes, I am going to meet up with my children for lunch right on Father's Day. I am really looking forward to it. And how about you?

It sounds like you had an interesting day, Mahhhty. I used to love it when my children were very young and would give me some kind of artwork. I cherish it and still have it all, even though all 3 are now in college. It sounds like they had so much fun doing that for you - an awesome Dad!

You wrote something that kind of puzzles me:

"In summary, as the day played out I realized that through all of this, these people still care about me, and I care about them.

I'm not sure how my X would view this. It would be very easy for her to continue to play a victim aka point at others....
to say that her family is siding with me.
to say that they aren't supporting her.
to say they aren't listening to her."

It's terrific that your X-MIL and X-SIL still care about you. I have no doubt that they do. You were a big part of their lives.

But, I have 2 questions for you. Why do you care how your X views this? Do you really think that your X would say that her family is siding with you, etc.?

Here's my take on it. For now, stay focused on you and your children, like you've been doing. If you do, and your X sees consistent behavior by you, who knows where it could lead? I'm afraid that she'll be able to tell (eventually) that you are wondering about these things. If she catches on, I don't think she'll find it very attractive. You have to continue to act like these types of things don't bother you. Let her play the victim - just don't fall for it.

Does this make any sense? So many times, I thought I was on to something and you did not hesitate to say what needed to be said to help me. Thank God you have been there for me. I hope this helps.

What do others think?

Stay strong buddy. I am always pulling for you.

Bob

[mahhhty]

Thanks Bob! I'm thinking of grilling some steaks. And I have a massive swingset to put together for the kids.

To your question... I'm just wondering how she would view it, bc early on she felt her family sided with me (she told me many times that she lost her voice). But that is her cross to bear. I'm not trying to get closer to her family or to play her family in anyway, to get closer to her. I'm just choosing to hang out with people I care about.

Does that make sense?

[Defacto]

Mahhhty,
At this point, it doesn't matter what XW thinks. As long as your intentions are legit, do whatever makes you happy. Btw happy Father's Day!

[mahhhty]

Mahhhty,
At this point, it doesn't matter what XW thinks. As long as your intentions are legit, do whatever makes you happy. Btw happy Father's Day!

You know what... You are absolutely right! Thanks Defacto!!!

[Vanilla]

Congratulations on the promo!

Bit belated I know.

Anyway, just to observe, you will never full understand anothers headspace and just when you do it changes.

Folks is like that! All queer........

So said my nan and she was wise.
Oh and she used the q word in the Victorian way, as in 'I felt all queer in myself today, all out of sorts, unnecessary even'

V