I wouldn't worry about your h's feelings over you setting up your own savings account. He's not going to know unless you tell him and I don't think I would for a while, if ever. You have to protect yourself and your assets and trust me, if he's spinning hard, he'll begin to spend money like water.

You can validate your h's feelings, but you did nothing wrong. You didn't elaborate on why you aren't attending the wedding and quite frankly, that's going to be on him to explain why you aren't there. He's going to have a lot of chances to spin his tales of woe at the wedding. You do not owe him an apology because you didn't divulge what the issues were.

He'll get over it in due time. Let him stew in his own juices in the stew pot. Why? Because no matter what you say or do, it will never be right for him at this time. Nothing will please him....so....you continue on as you were and be happy w/yourself and the things that you are doing for YOU.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.