hold on! - 10

[Vanilla]

U

Who knows why W thinks the crazy making thoughts and actions she does. Your brains will be as scrambled as hers if you try to unravel that Gordian knot.

let it unfold in time, it will.

L seems solid, if you want a second opinion then get one. Keep all your cards to yourself, no need to reveal your hand. Fins are your strength and stability. DUI and other offences, that is public record stuff.

Your own special brand of WW is on the slow trail to destruction, it is unkind to prolong it by enabling WW.

Can I discuss guilt and shame? They are very different in my view:

Guilt is about the things we do. I felt guilty because I ate too much and in secret . I felt guilt because of screaming banshee. Guilt can be a healthy motivator for change. I feel guilty because I neglected my Fins and business and it motivates me to action. It is a powerful tool.

Shame is about the things we are. In essence we keep what is shameful secret. My H was ashamed of his gambling and kept it secret, I felt ashamed that H abused me. Deeply ashamed. Shame creates distress in our lives. Shame needs to see the light of day, it can be healed with work. We should not feel shame for who another is, me for my H being an abuser, you for WW and her DUI. We can't cure it, we can't control it nor did we create it. It's their issue.

U and Jb i came across TED talk resources that may be helpful, it might have been Jim that drew these to my attention. But i know I watched these TED talks many times : Berne Brown on Shame and Vulnerability and very recently Monica Lewinski in a remarkable keynote speech about shame, the young Monica was press Pillored and yet she too was a victim as a young exposed intern. I commend these to you.

I hope that's helpful, I think you are truly ready to explore the issues as recently U I sense that you are truly growing. I am enjoying this development and await the next phase with anticipation. Truly that is coming like a slow train.

V