Dif .... do not apologize for your faith ... its one of the biggest things that can deliver us from all this.
This post was amazing, amazing because I very well could have written much of it. The love you speak of is Unconditional Love, this love is not somethign we can do .. its just how we love....I even got to a point if my W was truly happy with OM, then I wanted that for her regardless of the hurt it inflicted on me but knowing her as I do .... I sensed something was not right and some of her words and actions through the entire crisis confirmed this to me.
Like you I had that talk .. W with her head on my lap tellin me she was a mess, she felt like she was addicted and did not know how to stop, swore to me it was over .... I wanted badly to believe her .. to say .. ok what's done is done lets move past this ... only to see her run back to OM after I patched her up. This happened a couple times ... its so hard to watch the ones we love destroy so much.
Faith and this forum were the two things that got me through, being able to find peace, get quiet, pray and God and His grace showing me what he wanted me to do .... standing for my M and my W as he worked on her was one of them.
Dif there comes a time when all you can really do is love them from afar, let them go on their journey .... adopt the lighthouse mantra and live yout life the best you can ... when you find inner peace it will serve as a beacon. I am actually grateful that when my W knew she was addicted she did not come back to the M, because I still needed time, God had more for me to learn, things that I will place in my new M and be even happier than I ever was in the old one ... Boundaries, being the spiritual leader of my household, being the father and husband God wanted me to be all along. These things I still had to learn and I am grateful for "the gift of time" ... which to be honest I thought was a total scam to make us feel better about being alone ... but looking back I NEEDED more time to rebuild myself into Cali2.0 ... to get strong enough for my family, and wise enough to see this for what it all is.
Prayers going out to you and yours ... remember .. Give her to God, he has a plan, accept it and let go.
