My exhausting life part 3

[Kembo05]

Kem, there is a script for the WAS but there is also a script for us LBS's. I like you treated her like the victim and blamed myself for everything. Now? Not so much. I'm not innocent by any manner of means but this? Nahh.

Couldn't agree more. I was by no means perfect H, but I didn't do anything worthy of this. Amazes me how WW downplays the affair they had. Sad they can shift the blame to H

As for custody were lucky in this country. The law is 50/50. Don't even bother going to court unless there is abuse to be cited.

Haha, man I feel like you are the voice in my head. I think the same thing. Only potential issue I have right now is she wants to be primary custodian, I'm not OK with that. I don't mind a 50/50 true joint custody but my W has shown when she says "Let's do what is best for D2 she is really saying, let's do what is best for ME!"

And the best for D2? Ha, the best thing for D2 is to NOT have her family split up and to NOT live in 2 separate addresses. Funny how that little chestnut always gets missed.

I said the same thing to my W, she just said "we are past that point" I have been much better at detaching. Oh man it is hard though mainly not allowing her to upset me or to ruin my mood. You are absolutely right the BEST thing for D2 is to fight for our marriage and teach her it's hard, but it's worth it. All she is teaching her right now is to shift the blame when you make mistakes and when things get tough you should just toss in the towel and move on. Sad.

[NDY]

Kem, YOU are the voice in my head at the moment

"Let's do what is best for D2 she is really saying, let's do what is best for ME!"

Yip, the selfishness has no bounds. Why is it that we can see this but not the WW? You would not believe the hoops I had to go through just to get the WW to understand it's not good for S9 to spend 1 night with me then the next with her. She thought that was a workable solution. Pfffft.

All she is teaching her right now is to shift the blame when you make mistakes and when things get tough you should just toss in the towel and move on. Sad.

Yip, and that is why my S9 will learn that his dad did not want this and tried his best to stop it from happening. Staying the course is the hard thing in a M. It's not easy and the WW need to understand that. It's easy to walk away though. That's the cowards route if you ask me.

[Kembo05]

Yip, and that is why my S9 will learn that his dad did not want this and tried his best to stop it from happening. Staying the course is the hard thing in a M. It's not easy and the WW need to understand that. It's easy to walk away though. That's the cowards route if you ask me.

You nailed it. My W has even said when my D2 starts asking questions we should sit down and decide what we are going to tell her. I told her I was going to tell her I didn't want this and I did everything I could. I'm not going to lie for you. Now, I know I just can't trash my W in front of my D2 but she wants it to be the stereotypical "oh we just grew apart" FALSE, I will NOT say that.

And it absolutely is the coward's route. I'm a humble guy but I easily fixate on the lack of character my W has shown in this situation, I have to stop and remind myself of what I have done in this situation. I can stand proud and truly look at myself in the mirror and know I did what was right, I didn't take the easy way out, even though this journey isn't over I KNOW I will continue to be proud of what I did or didn't do. I'm sure our W's HATE that we aren't stooping to their level and we aren't taking their bait. Actions speak louder than words and I won't let her hateful, disrespectful, spiteful words affect how I act as a man and father.

We have to be the lighthouse. Oooooooo its tough sometimes though.

[Kembo05]

NDY; this was on another forum for MWD, just some encouragement for us in this situation

Divorce Busting
6/18/2015
If you're fighting for your marriage and not getting positive reinforcement from your spouse or other people in your life, hear this.
I know that your fight for your marriage is probably one of the hardest things you've ever done in your life. This is especially true when your spouse doesn't acknowledge or openly appreciate your efforts. This is also true when it seems like nothing you do really makes a difference.
But you are making a difference in the world. Believing in marriage and being committed to keeping your family together is a noble mission. It takes courage and strength to fight the good fight. I admire you. You are awesome.
Michele Weiner-Davis

[NDY]

Kem. Brilliant. We are like brothers. Your last post is me all over and the quote from MWD is perfect.

Let's keep our heads high. Like you said if our M's do fail then we can at least sleep at night knowing we tried.

I get that I was instrumental in my M breaking up. I don't deny it. But like I said earlier I shouldn't be here. Neither should you.

And my WW also wanted the mutual talk with S9. Nah.

[Kembo05]

I get that I was instrumental in my M breaking up. I don't deny it. But like I said earlier I shouldn't be here. Neither should you.

Agreed. Although, life is about overcoming obstacles, not running from them. I hate that other people are going through this, but glad I have people that know what it feels like. Someone said it in another thread but I wish we all lived in the same neighborhood; steaks and brew's would be on me tonight fellas.

[NDY]

I get that I was instrumental in my M breaking up. I don't deny it. But like I said earlier I shouldn't be here. Neither should you.

Agreed. Although, life is about overcoming obstacles, not running from them. I hate that other people are going through this, but glad I have people that know what it feels like. Someone said it in another thread but I wish we all lived in the same neighborhood; steaks and brew's would be on me tonight fellas.

Oh yes. Steak and a brew or 5. Sounds like a blast.

[Matt777]

I get that I was instrumental in my M breaking up. I don't deny it. But like I said earlier I shouldn't be here. Neither should you.

Agreed. Although, life is about overcoming obstacles, not running from them. I hate that other people are going through this, but glad I have people that know what it feels like. Someone said it in another thread but I wish we all lived in the same neighborhood; steaks and brew's would be on me tonight fellas.

Oh yes. Steak and a brew or 5. Sounds like a blast.

Count me in.

[Kembo05]

Talked to some friends last night and my W had talked to this friend and my W told her she thinks if she decides to not get a D she will think I will boast like I "won." That thought process is beyond me.

Is it worth talking to my W and saying there are no winners if we get a D, if we try and make it work WE ALL WIN. Also I was thinking about suggesting a legal separation, she's filed for D but I'm curious if it would be worth talking to her about going the legal separation route before we just finalize the D process

Thoughts?

[Sotto]

Hi Kembo

IMHO, do nothing is probably the better option. MWD recommends LRT if a S has filed for D. I don't think you suggesting a lesser option is going to be the way to go.

Presumably you have told your W that D isn't what you want. And if you want the process to go Slooow, you can brief your L on that basis. You don't want to appear resistant, but there's no need to rush this.

But I would communicate nothing to your W just now other than D related business...and remain upbeat, moving forward and working on things you want to change for yourself.

JMHO...