PS - I also think you are right - there is a lot in their behaviour that is aimed at attracting our attention - like a toddler. I suspect that your xh was emotionally neglected as a little one. The rages, and the tendency to throw their toys out of the pram are a giveaway.
Toddlers do not have a large emotional range, but it is a powerful and manipulative one! On one level they know what they are doing.
