Here is my 2 c. It helped me, and still helps me, to understand the process as far as I can. That way I can think 'Oh this is going on and here is (probably) why'.
Does it change things in themselves - no, but for some of us at least it changes how we view it and how we feel about it. De-personalises it. I can see this doesn't work for everyone -
Anyways, my xh sounds a lot like your xh Mighty. OMG those rages, the awfulness. Out of the blue. I stopped picking up the phone - always got someone else to do it.
Then the coming back, fog apparently lifted, etc etc.
Now he is much more into blaming me. It is as if it is a different sort of fog. But I can tell he now (10 years on) he misses what he had. I think he wants it all - the kids, me his new life. Fantasy land with politeness though!
Go with your gut. I think by processing intellectually it you will gradually let it go. I tried the other ways, and they didn't work for me. It has been a long time. A long MLC and I am a slow learner.
I have got him out of my headspace by thinking through it. It is quite different from obsessing. These days I think about him on a day to day basis very little. I remain interested in the MLC process - it pulls apart so many lives, and is so little understood.
You are amazing - dealing with so much. I agree that we learn a lot through this process. At the same time, I am sometimes depleted by it Dealing with this is exhausting - which is why the ever-wise Job tells us to be good to ourselves.
