Roommates for the Next Two Months

[DifRent]

I'm the catch, yeah Heavy? So sweet of you to say...

Bob, thanks as always for the hugs and prayers.

And Cali, I get it.

I was Skyping with my mom this evening. She doesn't know all the details yet... in fact, said she doesn't want to. But remember, she is also my W's godmother... godmother to a woman who was baptized JUST TWO MONTHS AGO...

She knows things are tense, and my W is off her rocker. She said this, about my brother Matthew who died in a car accident at the age of 19 some 24 years ago (at the time, my very best friend and since then, my deepest loss... I even wrote and published a book about it...): "Susan (my real name, folks).....I just know that Matthew intercedes for his brothers and sisters all the time...and he is at the feet of The Father doing that for Ella (my W) too."

This image caused me to cry, literally for the first time since everything blew up. Because while I get what you're saying Heavy... there is a love here that runs so much deeper than my own need for her to be good to me. I can't explain it.

But none of you can, either... can you? Every single one of you good people on this board love your husband or wife with a love that your spouse doesn't understand, or won't acknowledge, or whatever.

As a Christian, I find something very profound about this. A few weeks into all this mess, my W curled up into my lap on the couch and said, "I'm so confused, I don't know what to do."

I allowed her to keep her head there. I said, "Babe, you're addicted. To that phone. To your texts. To that woman. It's an addiction."

She said, "I know. How do I stop?"

This was, I thought, my golden opportunity. Our entire future, I thought, hinged on that very moment. All I could say was, "As with all addictions, you have to stop. I can help you. But you have to really want it."

She nodded. And then, she fell asleep.

As I looked at her and stroked her hair, I thought... "Wow. NO ONE in my entire life has EVER hurt me like this woman has these past few weeks. And yet... my love for her seems to have no bounds."

And it was in that moment that I caught a fleeting glimpse of the love that God must have for each one of us. Because you know what? We all are sinners, too. (Sorry for preaching, maybe this is just for the Christians!!!)

Anyway, it's a moment I hold onto. No matter what happens, whether we can reconcile, whether we never can reconcile, whether we can never even really speak again as friends, I will ALWAYS love her, with a love that is bigger than I am, because it doesn't come from me.

How I wish I could make that love come to life between us and be a witness to the world. I still have the faint hope it's possible. But only time will tell. And our God? Well, He's ridiculously patient with all of us... including the ones we wish he'd hurry up and fix.

Again, forgive me for the religion. It's just this kind of faith, hope, and love that gets me through.

My W just came home from her "date." I need to exit the room and exit her presence. Pray for me!!!!