Thank you, uR. Loved that post. I don't think you judged me, at all. It think it came across in a way I didn't mean. It's kind of like, tail between my legs, but with a $hitty grin... like, a puppy who got busted... yeah, I did it.
It felt good at the time. I can't say I wouldn't like to go totally ham on her @ss.
But, she knows what I think of her. I don't need to remind her. What I need to do now, is work on ME. Without their influence.
I really like that post, uR. I know they have some headspace. But, I also know, I have more control over it, therefore, it is much less. I don't let it interfere with my life, so to speak. It's more in the quiet time it creeps in...
I think getting a small glimpse into his most recent... I don't know what to call it.... projections (????) .... have put my mind back in the WTF mode.
Overall, I'm OK. And I think about it, mostly, from an arms length... if that makes any sense.
Reading that post game me a sort of image I have of myself. I'm me, for sure. I guess, I would think that I don't care what people think of me, but I think that I just feel so... lost.
Maybe because I feel... unloved. I can rationalize that I am valuable... but then, why am I disposable? Why wasn't I worthy?
Look, I get it... to a point, that is. I hear- it's not about you. However, it was me.
So, reading your post, I thought about how I do value myself, and now, I am more readily able to shut down behaviors/people who I feel don't treat me the way I feel they should. I have a guard up, which is not normal for me. It's like run by a natural force, not my natural instincts.
I probably don't make sense, but it seems like this experience has awakened a part of me that has never existed. It does not communicate with the part of me that I am familiar with. It works on its own. Its to protect me from outside invaders or something.
(Here goes number 7)
OK, so.. your post. Made me think of myself as this person who conceptualizes and feels what it is to be me. To embrace it, to not allow others' judgments affect me. And I am that. But, it's full of holes.
I will figure it out. Got some work to do there.
This: "They are in crisis. They dont know it. It was destined for them. No amount of loving them could stop it. They dont know why they do what they do."
I know it ^^^^^ but it def helps to hear it again.
