I want to reiterate my gratitude and express it to the rest... Ellie, Wonka, Cali, Bright, Gwen, uR, bea, LT, and Heather (just seeing that list of amazing people makes me feel so lucky to have wonderful people take the time to continue to support me).
I have thought about your posts. I would like to add... it did not consume me, today! However, I have learned to compartmentalize... I like that compartment closed... yet, I have to address this, bc when it opens, I don't like it to be so unsettled... reactive... and a hot mess!
So, for now, I've decided I am not going to go out of my way to say anything to him. I do feel, on a level, he adds thing to try to get attention from me. I will keep that post from Ellie close by, as a resource for when I am directly addressed. I need these things to be prepared. I don't want to fly off the handle ever again. Especially when it comes to him.
I thought last night about how frustrating it is for a father to even say those things to his daughter. Like, well... I wasn't "in love" so it's ok to abandon your family and start a new one. So, someday, if your husband isn't "in love" he may do that to you. Or, you can do that too. And everyone should deal with it, because that's what you do to family.
Give me a break.
Now, I'm not really giving them head space, really, but, I think it is natural to try to understand some of this. That's why we do our research, and continue to come here right. Support, and a form of understanding all of this unexplainable debacle of MLC.
But, just thinking... and maybe some have experience with this?? I thought more into it when reading Cali's sitch and something Wonka responded to. It was about the "fog lifting" from the MLCer.
It was about 7 months ago when my bil reached out to me. At that time, he said xh, for the prior few weeks, had been talking to him a lot. More than he ever had. Pouring his heart out, which is unlike him. BIL said, he just listened and knew xh just needed to get it out.
BIL said to me, "The only way I can explain it is like a fog lifted."
My jaw dropped at that comment, well... bc of what we read...
BIL did not know that.
Anyway, it was not that long after when I heard from xh. That's when I heard a lot from him, like BIL.
The things he said made me think he would never go back to hww. Blah, blah, blah... you know....
Back during monster, which was a range before and after about 7 months prior to that, he was just really mean. I kept contact pretty dark during that time. However, I found out that it was the time hww was leaving her x too. They were going at it about $, and hww was very greedy (shocker), and her parents were too. They were trying to take her x to the cleaners.
Xh used to call me out of the blue in a rage. I was so confused and the thing is, I wasn't trying to take ANYTHING and was trying to be fair to him. My heart actually went out to him and I wanted to be giving and didn't want him to have to start over totally. Boy was I in the dark.
I just cant help think that he saw the greed, when they were trying to clean him out, how much he was to pay, and freak out.... letting it project onto me. Like I was hww or something. He would tell me about convos her parents would say. Sick.
Anyway, as I digress....
Xh, outside of that monster period, never really said bad things about me. And he did tell me he never bad mouthed me to hww, which was a bone of contention to her. And she would get very mad at him and say he would always stick up for me ( don't know why he had to...)
Then he confided and said we WERE happy, we had a great marriage, we didn't have problems, I didn't do anything wrong, but he just f'ed up.
So, now... once the fog lifts, so to speak, can you regress back even further? Now he blames it all on me. And is really mean, totally unaccountable, and has the typical mlc attitude.
Like, I get that he simply can't look in the mirror, but this dude is so messed up, right?
Does he even remember the temporary fog-respite he took? Or does dumb mlc-brain take over and he just doesn't give a crap about that time period anymore? <<<< I'm thinking that.
Honestly, guys... it's not really headspace, because I feel unemotional about it. Slightly frustrated that I now have this pinned on me, and, ok uR.... go ahead.... geesh.... I gave them the ammo.
Still don't really regret it, however, I don't like the spin... the ammo. Not going to do that again. Nope. May be difficult... but I feel better knowing I won't feed her drama... which is an obese, overeating, hyper-active, disgusting pig. That hog is always looking for seconds, thirds, fourths, and...... you know what I'm saying...
