Yep I agree with Bob. I have learned a lot from reading 25years advice and others.
I was a little upset this morning H said he was taking S to eat dinner with parents and didn't invite me. I felt bad and left out and you know what it is ok to have that feeling but then you need to let it go because I can't change the fact I wasn't invited and so I need to let it go and move on with my day. It is what it is.
I would be upset, too, skhdive. Sorry to hear your day started out this way.
I love what you added, "I can't change the fact I wasn't invited and so I need to let it go and move on with my day. It is what it is."
That's the spirit.
I'll try to check in on your sitch later today.
We are here for you.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Thanks. It is ok 25years and Job I think always say have no expectations so I am really trying hard at that so when H does do something however small it is I don't expect it and it doesn't make my entire day.
I use to let what H did or didn't do rule my day. I am learning it is MY day and I rule it how I want it to be without what H does or doesn't do. It has been a slow process to get here but I think I have or am finally reaching acceptance for what it is now
Alright I am done with that just needed to vent the things H says makes me feel like he thinks I am stupid to believe it.
^^^^^^^ Yes!! In a recent conversation with H about A, I said, " you must think I am stupid or something!?" He was going on and on about he has no reason to lie at this point. I know for a fact he is lying. I think I also said something to effect that I am lucky to be married the one cheater that does not lie about their A. Not to mention the fact that the A is a lie/deceit to begin with.
The other thing the WS/MLCer is good at is selective rememberence. He pulled the stupid comment out the other day because he was trying to say I called him stupid.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
LOL that is very true about selective memory, my H remembers stuff that I swear he is making up and I will know for a fact that something was the other way around but he will insist that he is right to the point you think you got it wrong but later you think about it and you know you don't!
That's why I think 25years and others say not to argue or debate with them because its a no win situation.
I have been trying to just let it go and change subject or walk away.
I think 25years asked earlier maybe a month ago what it is that I want and need to change:
I want to be noncodependent and that is what I am going to be working on for myself right now. This is going to be hard because I have realized that for my part I am codependent in some ways. I think this because I have been so obsessed with H and what he is doing and means etc...
Its not my problem, he will eventually tell me what he means, wants etc... so until then I will work hard at becoming non-codependent. Which the way I understand it is to realize that H or someone else's problems are theirs to fix or work through and I don't need to meddle. Concentrate on myself.
Like today H was complaining about money and I was going to try and cheer him up about the situation but then I thought no it is his thought and concern not mine so I kept my mouth shut and left it for him to ponder. Normally I would tell him oh its not that bad we can do this or that or we should do this or that.
Not anymore unless he specifically asks for my opinion.
Hey skhdive. Just checking on your sitch. I think I will read that book about codependency.
This is such a hard journey. My H gave me a ray of hope this week and I ran full speed ahead, which was so stupid. DON"T believe what he says...DON"T believe what he says. I have read that 100 times yet I fell hook line and sinker.
Getting back to just doing me now. Just like you said-don't let their actions control your day!
Yeah the book is really good. It refers to alcoholics making you codependent but I just ignore it and sub in MLC! lol.
I think living with an MLC can make you codependent. I am separated but the whole thing I think has made me codependent. When I read the book I think I became a little codependent through out the marriage and I now see there are some things that I just don't want to deal with anymore or have to think I have to worry about in any R that I may have in the future with H.
