I can relate to everything you just posted, even wanting to say that comment (which I laughed at). I've had some pretty vicious ones thought up about my W's situation that would have been devastating if said. Self restraint, don't say it lol.
My W does the chatty nice person at times, but I don't get the physical affection or her asking about what I'm doing. She mostly just talks about her own situation. Its rough validating and listening without appearing too interested or cold. Just find that balance where you're the friendly neighbor and keep eye contact when shes talking.
Pretty sure they are cake eating the conversation to some extent. The way I see it, they are showing their hands in some way. They hate us so much, don't want to be with us, really? Well, were still a drug to them and they cant resist the temptation. There just so consumed in the A they don't realize they are showing us they care through actions, in some way. If they really didn't care about us at all they wouldn't care what we thought one bit. One day they might see what we provided was real where what the AP gave was fake.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be