Roommates for the Next Two Months

[DifRent]

Matt, I have no idea. But I'm not sure being in the same house is helping with DB efforts. Today was one of those have her cake and eat it too days, for sure. Because I was here all day, and she kept talking to me, sharing things with me about the business as if we were still together, coming down to see me, touched me once... just relished having me around. Especially because I wasn't being bitter, I think - I was validating, albeit in as detached a way as possible. So she got whatever it is she gets from me today, and now she's off to get what she wants from the OW. What a great day for her!

And then still, I wasn't perfect with my attitude. She told me earlier, "I'm going to be late tonight and tomorrow night, okay?" As if a response of "No, that's not okay" would change anything. I said, "If you feel the need to announce these things, might be better to tell me when you WON'T be late. THAT would be news." She laughed and said, "That's true." I just want to smack her...

But on her way out just now. "Do you have plans for tonight?" I was able to just respond, "Yes, I have plans." "Oh, it's with that meetup group, right?" "I have plans." "Good, glad you have plans."

I was able to stop myself from saying, "Quit asking as if you really care about me. You only care about yourself, you stupid, self-centered, tearing our lives apart bitch."

Instead, I said a prayer for her as she left the driveway.

I still find myself absolutely blown away that this is my reality. I keep waiting to wake up from the nightmare.