Pushing Through

[NDY]

W,

Thank you for reaching out. It is very clear that we both love our S9 and we each want some individual time with our son. I'd like to think that we can come up with a workable schedule that meets everyone's needs.

Here are some ideas here and I'd like to hear your thoughts on this as well. How about the following schedule for next week:

Tues, Wed, Thurs nights with me and then Friday to Sunday with you. (NDY, you can change this part as I am not in your shoes)

When S9 has his time with you, I'll be sure to have his clothes and other items packed ready for your house. Then when it's my turn, then you'll do the same with his clothes and items.

Make sense?

Have a good day.

NDY

I don't mind a polite letter proposing a calendar (getting back to 50/50) but telling her "it's clear we both love S9" is definitely over the top. It is NOT clear whatsoever. Surely one can presume a mother loves her children and the wife/mother you've always known surely loved your son; however, she is not that woman anymore. She's an selfish entitled wayward right now. OM comes before you AND your son. Her interests in your son are second to OM. This fact is consistent with her ACTIONS. Her behavior is endangering your son's life, his future, his education, his job prospects, his emotionally and physical health as well as his future marriage and kids (the legacy of divorce). A mom that "clearly loves her S9" wouldn't do that so there absolutely no reason to say that other than trying to smooze and/or validate a wayward.

There are times to validate in an "active listening" type conversation and there are times when not to validate (you can't validate wayward behavior by telling her you think she still loves your son when her actions say otherwise). It's disingenuous. It's not something you believe. It's not the truth.

The fact you are remain willing to reconcile at all is an action consistent with the statement the YOU obviously clearly love your son. If she really loved her son she should be willing to do the same, despite her FEELINGS.

Hi GB. On this we are 100% in agreement. This is a drafted reworked version of wonka's original. I'd appreciate your thoughts

Here is how I see this working and I'd like to hear your thoughts on this as well. How about the following schedule for next week:

Tues, Wed, Thurs nights with me and then Friday to Sunday with you. (not real dates)

When S9 has his time with you, I'll be sure to have his clothes and other items packed ready for you. Then when it's my turn, then you'll do the same with his clothes and items.

Of course I will be flexible on this. When either of us has social engagement that don't clash with each other then S9 should be with a parent.

Wonka, did you not see the fathersday gate post?