She may be wondering if you are suggesting some 3 party relationship, where you don't divorce, you don't separate, OM moves in and the three of you live together raising S9.
She knows I don't mean this. Funny but no.
I still think she's confused about the meaning and wondering if you are proposing an alternative where she keeps her affair, avoid the cost of divorce (losing the house she loves and 50% of her custody of the kid) while somehow staying married and maybe even living together. Not really a swinging relationship but rather one where you two stay married, remain friends and co-parents and eventually BOTH date whomever you want.
She may or may not want be actually interested in that proposal as much as she's just interested in trying to figure out what your convoluted email meant.
You weren't really being detached, calm and direct at the beginning. That was more a angry, hurt, desperate direct.
She is an addict. She'll be nice to you if you do or say anything that will enable her affair which is her single biggest concern right now. Suggestion mediation when you have no desire to actually "mediate" anything (just a delay tactic) isn't going to be that productive. At least with a lawsuit/divorce filing you can say "I don't talk divorce" and "it's my attorney's fault, I told him to be nice and accommodating, I'll have to yell at him". You telling her you want to mediate and then refusing to discuss or negotiate anything is kind of pointless passive aggressive manipulation.
State what you want. Be calm and direct. Tell her what she is doing is wrong, hurtful and devastating to you and your son, you still have some remaining hope for her and she still has SOME time to end her affair and return to the marriage. If SHE feels guilt or shame, that's good. People that do hurtful wrong things SHOULD be ashamed of such behavior. I was actually encouraged to read that talking that way upsets your wife because it's an indication she MAY still have a conscious. Consider that our prisons are full of people that have no shame and you'll see shame is not something everyone is capable of. If she is incapable of feeling guilt or shame, than you probably don't need to be married to her anyway.
To be clear...you are NOT "shaming" her. You are merely stating facts. IF she feels shame, that's on her and due to HER shameful behavior. It is not shaming someone to discuss their shameful behavior. The BEHAVIOR is shameful...not the conversation. I'm also not saying call her names or condemn her sinful behavior, rather, you are approaching her out of love, trying to save her from destroying herself and TRYING to hold her accountable for her behavior and give her directions to the way "home".
Sure feeling guilty and ashamed will likely lead to her upset and maybe she won't speak to you for awhile. That's fine. Her choice. She can cry and feign upset all she wants to OM; but, you don't have to console her or waste your valuable GAL time trying to find ways to talk AROUND the truth just so you don't upset her and she keeps talking to you (while dating OM every day).
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
