As far as the 'other websites' I have read a few ... and hey its the internet so its real easy to spin a situation this way or that, Ive even seen a few non-pro-marriage sites similar that would have us believe all is lost.
Thing is ... there is no doubt in my mind your W is in a MLC crisis. I know you have dipped a pinky toe in that pool but being as I have been in this for some time .. reading your sitch and updates, I have little doubt to be honest.
It all falls on what do you want? your W is lashing out ... the best way I had it described to me was the family German Sheppard, he would not harm a single family member, in fact he was the protector ... till he was run over ... in so much pain I went to help him and he tried to bite me. Truth it ... Hurt people hurt people ... that little phrase put things in perspective for me.
You are right .. you are the one thing inbetween her and what she thinks happiness will be, so the short answer ... get out of the way, detach, GAL, live as your W passed .... she may or may not ever wake and comeback ... these things are out of your control, what is in your control is how much crazy you want to put up with ... and the way you react to it.
I will tell you this, when I finally got calm, to a place of peace and stayed there for some time ... it took the pressure off and W was allowed to spin and realize that her husband ... the one who was the sole reason for her misery ... was not in the picture and she was just as .. if not more miserable and she began to work on things that created the crisis. THIS did not happen quickly ... its still an ongoing process but I am at peace with how I handled myself and my marriage up to this point. Its not for the weak that's for sure, and it takes FOREVER. My perspective, I have been with W 24 years, I was/am willing to sacrifice 2-3 years to see where this goes. In the big picture .. its not alot to give ... if she were in prision for a few years I would wait.
Hang in there, let her spew ... set your boundaries on how you will and will not be treated .. they need this ... you've got this.
