Sit and Spin

[HeavyD]

OK - last post of the day - I promise

Feeling overwhelmed, discouraged and a negative PMA. This is a complete 180 from the other day when I felt pretty good.

Roller coaster day today for sure.

Wife is being a negative creep and seethes anger. I let it slide off my back. Tra la la. She is acting like a troll. A very ill behaved troll.

Then I came upon an affair fog website that states the Affair Fog is complete B/S. It's just what LBS tell themselves as they are deluded to think that their mate will ever "wake up" "Come to their senses" or just realize how "good they had it".
LBS always think it's a Bi Polar episode, a manic state, a FOO issue or the OP has cast a spell onto them. Botom line, they chose them over us. Bottom line is when do you let go and accept the fact that IT IS OVER.

Now who's being a negative creep!

[Matt777]

Woof. That all sounds like it was written by a WW.

[Bob723]

Wife is being a negative creep and seethes anger. I let it slide off my back. Tra la la. She is acting like a troll. A very ill behaved troll.

Hey Heavy,

I'm so sorry to hear what an awful day you are having. I hope you post as many times as you feel like it today or any day. We all have to vent! Look at how I "cracked" when my W sent me that nasty "out of the blue" text last Friday.

I love the quote above. Good for you -- let it slide off your back like water off a duck's back. I am SO impressed.

Your W is angry at herself, but she taking out on you, my dear.

I can't remember at the moment if you are a believer. If not, please accept my apology in advance for posting a prayer below. If you are, you may want to say this prayer from time to time. It helps keep my anger in check. Too bad our spouses don't do the same.

"Lord God, I am hurt, angry, and confused. I don’t like this feeling of worthlessness and rejection. I know You are the God of peace. Teach me how to accept and assimilate that inner peace. It seems so far away sometimes. Amen."

My point is, don't let your W drag you down to her level. And, knowing you, you won't let her!

Chin up, Heavy.

{{{{{Heavy}}}}}

[Fogg]

Pretty sure I've read that same website and it has some truth to it. From what I read there's two main issues with looking at what our WS's do as an affair fog.

The first is it keeps us holding onto the idea that they will "wake up", keeps us in denial about the possibility that they may never come back. Not healthy for us. They do know what they are doing at the time, but they ignore the damage they are doing and the negative qualities of AP. This is part of the fog I think we talk about most. Its more a denial of their part in the moment.

The second main issue is we think they are under a spell and this fog is controlling their actions. So if/when they "wake up" we excuse their actions since they were "in the fog" like nothing happened. We ignore the selfish part of what they have done.

At the end of the day our partners are so focused on getting that good feeling from the AP they are willing to do anything to hold onto it. They see us as the enemy standing in the way for their perfect fairy tale with AP. They are no blinded by what they are doing, they know on some level it is a selfish action but the ends justify the means. I see the "waking up" part as them recognizing the damage they have done when things don't turn out the way they would life. Basically, the ends don't work out, so the means to get there are no longer valid.

[Wonka]

This is precisely why we need to focus on DB and tune out some really questionable sites.

[Bob723]

This is precisely why we need to focus on DB and tune out some really questionable sites.

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*Hugs*

Bob

[Fogg]

You really have to stop letting her emotions get to you HD. I know its difficult, I do the same but only when its the other way around. When W is nice and happy to me are my difficult days. We have to remember, this is about them not us. Her anger directed at you is likely her own insecurity coming out.

Yes, she had the A, she broke up the M. She knows this on some level. So she looks at you being the pillar of strength for the family doing everything you can right and it pisses her off. Not because you are doing anything wrong, but she is. She cant take that anger out on herself, so who can she? She brings you down and it makes her feel better.

This is just one possibility to where the anger comes from, it could also be another reason. Regardless, the anger comes from her own insecurities and whats shes doing. Understand her emotions are mostly about her and you remove its power over you.

[HeavyD]

Yes, all about detachment - the single biggest issue I wrestle with.

Every day is a new day and I try to not get involved in her baloney anymore. It is hard becasue of me and my mindset, I take full respnsibility and also we have two little kids that we co parent.

She views me as the ENEMY because I wont mediate with her - tried that. I am the evil one that prevents her from getting her way. I wonder if this is the way our relationship will be from this point onwards. If so, that is depressing.

Per Wonka's suggestions, I have been extra polite, take extra helpings of STFU smoothies and just try not to react to her craziness. I sure do miss that woman I used to know and be married to. However, I am OK and am living my life without her. the focus is on ME, my KIDS and our well being.

HARD HARD HARD

[Bob723]

Per Wonka's suggestions, I have been extra polite, take extra helpings of STFU smoothies and just try not to react to her craziness. I sure do miss that woman I used to know and be married to. However, I am OK and am living my life without her. the focus is on ME, my KIDS and our well being.

Hi Heavy,

You can never go wrong following our dear friend Wonka's advice.

What color duct tape are you going to use for the STFU smoothies? Kidding aside, I know you can do this!

Many *Hugs*

Bob

[HeavyD]

Thanks Bob!