Something that I said caused her to ask me if I felt shame or guilt about this whole mess. I didn't really know what the difference between these two things. As I described my reluctance to tell anyone about my situation, and how people might think this or that that we got D because u-turn is too boring or too quiet or not forceful enough, are feelings of guilt. I don't know what this means for me, but it seems to be something I should address.
U, I'm gonna admit that before BD I had a very different view of who got D. People that were dysfunctional and couldn't make it work out, that's who (said while looking down nose at them). My how things have changed. After BD, I didn't tell anyone at all for the longest time, partly because I didn't want it to get back to my kids who didn't know, but partly because I was just sure they'd view me as a failure and shun me socially. And truth is, I don't get invitations to the couples BBQs anymore, but I choose to believe that it's because they feel awkward, not that it's really about me. And I've met a whole group of single people who never knew my H, and don't care about him in the slightest, much less why I'm D. I could have run off with the mailman and these new people would neither judge nor care. It's kind of liberating. I encourage you to address the shame, guilt, and whatever other perceptions you have around your sich, you'll probably feel a whole lot better afterwards.
