I think my W is very set in moving forward with the D but hey here in Michigan there is a mandatory 'cooling off' period of 6 months (before D is final) so even though she may not want to give it to me she has to!
All our our WAS's are dead set on D at BD. Just how it is, doesn't mean it cant change. One thing you hear on this site is how you are given the gift of time and to make the most of it. 6 months is a huge amount of time for things to change.
My W told me she was going to file 5 months ago(within 2 weeks of BD) and still hasn't. So whenever she does its still another 6 months wait. Focus on yourself and just let her do what shes going to do, you have much more time than you realize to work on yourself. Even if the D is final, that's not the end. It only ends when you decide its done.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I am starting to get myself wound up for our meeting tomorrow evening and by wound up I mean anxious, nervous and emotional.
God give me the strength to stay calm and be the rational adult during our discussion. On the surface I am suppose to look happy like I'm getting a life and moving on without her but down deep I'm scared, angry and still hurting.
We are meeting to discuss our next steps, which could go down one of two roads:
1.) More explanation of why she feels and needs to be separated.
2.) How the divorce will proceed.
Considering her WAS frame of mind it's more than likely going to be road number 2 (or maybe a little of both). So I have a list of items to discuss our S finances, assets, liabilities, etc.
There is no set agenda it was just a way of concluding our week of NC and discuss how to proceed with our R.
We are meeting to discuss our next steps, which could go down one of two roads:
1.) More explanation of why she feels and needs to be separated.
2.) How the divorce will proceed.
Considering her WAS frame of mind it's more than likely going to be road number 2 (or maybe a little of both). So I have a list of items to discuss our S finances, assets, liabilities, etc.
There is no set agenda it was just a way of concluding our week of NC and discuss how to proceed with our R.
Dale Carnegie has a book I'd recommend... "How stop worrying and start living"
Number one thing he recommends... is to consider what the worst is that can happen and accept it.
If there's a topic that comes up in the discussion, that you're either not prepared to discuss or haven't thought through, then don't. Just state you'll consider it and let her know. DO NOT let her push you into something. Think through how you want things to happen for your son's sake and yourself.
For me, my priorities when considering how things will proceed... they were my son, me, and then her as a distant third.
At the moment, I have a strong possibility of having primary physical custody of our son and I live in Michigan too. Be smart, talk with a good lawyer. Depending on where you live, I could recommend mine. Otherwise, do you homework. Find one that fights for the men.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
- read the validation cheat sheet. Several times. Use it. Liberally.
- let her talk. STFU as much as you can. Validate.
- if it comes up, state that you don't want to D. Then don't bring it up again.
- dress one level up. New shirt or shoes if possible.
- no physical contact unless she initiates.
- don't try to hang on at the end of the meeting. Go to leave first. Don't say clearly why.
Anyone else?
These are all great suggestions. Also, if you're anything like me, you might want to have a couple of prepared answers to possible topics she might bring up. Good luck. Be calm and confident.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
I spoke to a couple of local attorneys and got a good idea of what I need to do to protect myself and what to propose as far as her spending time with our son now that she has moved out. Tonight's discussion will primarily be about her stating her intentions, logistics as far as her timeline for moving out completely and the visitation schedule for our S. She wants him all day tomorrow which is going to be hard for me since we have been attached at the hip for the last two weeks.
