He just doesn't speak your language right now. Period.
I mean you could send him a strongly worded letter, but...??? All that energy will go into the letter and D14 will be the one who won't get that energy.
I can remember feeling so angry with my mother each time she focused everything on one of her crazy husbands and I was hurting. I needed her, but she was busy handling the crazy of some man.
I see the value in standing up for yourself. But, the divorce is in place. He's obviously not dealing with a full deck and what's the point?
Maybe that's why the Walmart incident was so important for you? You stood up for yourself by speaking a language THEY understood.
You didn't get all grown up and adult on their a$$, you spoke trailer trash and they heard you :-)
I'm pretty sure, on some deep level, he knows he's an a$$ and he knows he did wrong...but, he isn't willing to DO anything about it...so he blames you.
I unloaded on my MLC dad, like D14. I had many occasions where I poured out my heart and it was like talking to a rock.
I wish my mom had communicated the value of those outpourings to me. I wish someone had said,"You know what? That's amazingly brave of you to keep trying. To keep telling him how you feel even though you have been beaten down and blown off over and over."
Maybe the two you, together, can use this particular incident to figure out how to be angry, how to let it out, how to unload those feelings and hurt in a way which is healthy, but doesn't involved setting either of you up for more beatings?
I strongly believe people hear what we say even if we don't say it to them in words. Not to sound kooky, but with people we have a connection with...tell it to a tree and if you speak from the heart...they will get it on some level. IDK.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
