Sweden beyond rescue it seems.

[Tulo]

Because you are still operating on your feelings, and those feelings are still very very raw. It's going to take time so don't beat yourself up about it. It happens. Get back on the horse.

Hi dear NDY,

Thanks! You are also very kind to say.. I'm going to try and dust myself off, and find a horse to climb up on..

Can't help but to wonder why he was so angry, I know I called him out but to be so angry and screaming.. Do you think he hates my guts? Maybe I killed off any kind of feeling he had, if he had any that is, and loathing is all that is left now..

That thought is not pleasant, but maybe the fact that I spend time thinking about it is a sign I'm not doing what I ought to do detaching wise..

Ok, enough with all the questions..

Dear NDY, thanks again!
Hugs!

[NDY]

Hey Tulo

I have no idea if he hates your guts. You have no idea if he hates your guts. That's not the issue IMO. The issue is you are allowing how you think your H feels about you determine how you feel about you. See the problem here? Don't worry about him for the time being and concentrate on Tulo and how Tulo doesn't need her H to make her feel good.

You can do this.

[Tulo]

You know there is no reason to continue to feel bad IMHO.

You made a mistake.
You are no different than most of us tbh.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back to living your life and believing in DB and not your current relationship.
Can it be better again, YES, will it take a lot of WORK, YES.

Is this the right time to work on your relationship - NO.
Work on yourself and when the right time to work on your relationship comes you will know it and then be able to work on it.

DETACH, LET GO, and drop the rope.

Hi dear Cadet,

Thank you so much for your reply, I really value your thoughts and I guess your all are right when saying I need to pick myself up and stop feeling bad about this.. As I'm writing this I've decided that when I wake up tomorrow I will start the day with PMA and by God I'm going to work like crazy to keep it all through the day! Think I need to focus on one day at the time, and just plough along..

If there is a good thing with this mess, it is that I truly feel in my heart that this is (just as you say) NOT the time to work on anything with him. Before I still had hope to change this before to long. That hope is now gone, and the hurt has more to do with me trying to figure out how he feels after our all out WAR! And that is trying to be in his mind, which I know I'm not supposed to be when DB and GAL'ing.

I have a spa session planned for tomorrow and a date with my therapist and I know I'll feel better after that. On Friday is Midsummer here and I'm off to the west coast for a fab celebration with friends so I'm hoping that will push my detaching in the right direction.

Mentally the rope is dropped. I'm going to get my heart to follow my mind a.s.a.p. Thank you so much for helping me on the way! It truly make me feel a bit better about myself..

Big hug to you Cadet!

[Tulo]

Hey Tulo

I have no idea if he hates your guts. You have no idea if he hates your guts. That's not the issue IMO. The issue is you are allowing how you think your H feels about you determine how you feel about you. See the problem here? Don't worry about him for the time being and concentrate on Tulo and how Tulo doesn't need her H to make her feel good.

You can do this.

I know you are right dear NDY, and these last couple of days I have been thinking about WHY I let this affect my feelings about myself and I totally see that this is not healthy.
I have realised that I have been like this for for awhile and only in regards to my R.. Professionally I'm not at all like this. You might know that I breed and compete internationally with my dogs, and there are few communities that are more vicious and backstabbing then the dog world. That doesn't bother me. So I need to find out why this is so different and why it shakes me to the core and my self worth when thinking that somebody I love reject me in this way.

Ok, I'm off to check out if you posted any more thoughts on your stitch NDY! THANKS for your reply. You are so sweet!
Hugs!

[NDY]

Tulo, you are very early on in the process. I, just like you obsessed over my WW in the beginning after BD. and it doesn't go away over night. It takes a long time. I cannot admit that I still don't get upset and angry about what's happened. I still sometimes blame her for everything. It's natural. But it does get better and we can speed up our healing by following the advice given here.

Most say GAL and DETACH. These are good but often difficult to get a grip of. I know I still struggle with it but it gets a bit easier every time you try. One thing I will add to that. Try not to rake over the ashes of a dead R. I don't personally find that productive. Introspection? Yes, without a doubt but let go of the 'what if's'.

[Tulo]

Hi NDY,

Thanks for your reply, and you are right. I am early in the process and it is so hard to get a grip of this GAL and DETACH business. Just feels so unreal that he could just drop me like a hot potato and start up with someone new. Makes me feel very unimportant to him and makes me think that nothing we shared was special to him.

Do you mind explaining the rake over ashes part? Don't think I've ever heard it and don't forget I'm a Swede..

Going to check up on your stitch now.

Big hug!

[NDY]

Do you mind explaining the rake over ashes part? Don't think I've ever heard it and don't forget I'm a Swede..

Basically your M is the dead embers of the fire that once was. The fire is out so no point in using a rake to see if there are any embers still burning. The past is the past.

Peace

[Tulo]

Ok, now I get it..

I know it's no use. He is full speed ahead with OW. Feels horrible, but I have to detach and let him find out that I'm not that easily replaced.. Haha, listen to me.. All high spirited and all..

[Tulo]

Ok, I've had a great weekend. GAL'ing like a pro.. And then I come home, and it's like a dark cloud once more.

A week has gone by today, and not a word from him. He's apparently not at all sorry for us having that fight. And I'm hurting no end.
Want to send him a text but has decided against it and will not do it.

I have to go on without him and let time do what it does.

[NDY]

Ok, I've had a great weekend. GAL'ing like a pro.. And then I come home, and it's like a dark cloud once more.

A week has gone by today, and not a word from him. He's apparently not at all sorry for us having that fight. And I'm hurting no end.
Want to send him a text but has decided against it and will not do it.

I have to go on without him and let time do what it does.

Hey Tulo. No texting. Ok? You are fine. It's the longest day of the year up here on the northern hemisphere. I know you guys go mad for that.