So sad that I can't even think !!

[RosaLinda]

Ugh, and I was so proud of myself for embedding that link to the new GAL thread LOL Thank you Cadet, for coming to our rescue and fixing it. You do so much around here, and help us all so much, and we do so appreciate you!

RosaLinda, you made me laugh when I read this: "he will not remember half of what you and he said during this time period." because he does already say things & do things that he doesn't remember.....it's so crazy....I totally saw him in that comment. I really must learn to STFU & validate WAS's feeling. It's a must.

I am not an expert by any means, and my only experience with mid life crisis is from observing my own ex and from the info people have shared on this forum, but it sure sounds as if your H is going through one to me, Cindy.

I wanted to talk to you a little about your H's OW. You never really mention how it makes you feel, but my guess is -- devastated. Is that right?

I go by the "bandaid" theory of OP during a MLC, that the OW is just a bandaid which the MLCer is using to try to ease some of his depression and unhappiness with himself. He sort of needs something or someone to take his mind off what is really going on with himself. It could be a woman, drinking, gambling, a new car. A sort of distraction. The OW must herself be a flawed individual - what self respecting woman has an affair with a married man?

I have read a lot of stuff on the forum about OW/OM, and the consensus seems to be that the MLCer is looking for someone to whom he can feel superior, who will boost his ego and make him feel powerful and admired. She has to be a person of weak character and integrity and values, who is willing to accept the the very worst part of the MLCer -- a broken man who is a deceiver, liar, cheater.

A woman with strong values and moral integrity wants nothing to do with a married man, even if he gives her all of the lies so many of them use, that they are in a loveless sexless marriage. She tells him to call her when he's divorced. My ex used to tell all of his OW (I'm sort of ashamed to say that I snooped and read all of his emails ) that he was in a loveless, sexless marriage to a "cold hearted serial cheater" but could not leave "because of his children." He never mentioned that his "children" were around 25 and 37 at the time LOL

Please don't feel that she is better than you in any way because this broken man has chosen her over you. Ignore her and let their relationship die a natural death, as all relationships which are based on lying and cheating must do in time.