I see you are getting some great advice. Not much for me to add right now other than I think Matt has a good idea: You can do GAL activities with your children. Some of my GAL are with my children (all in college now) and it really helps me take my mind off my troubles with my W.
Someone once told me that D is like a tornado—ripping through your life, threatening to destroy everything in its path. Please try to keep a positive attitude and don't panic. Also, please read and re-read what Vets like Sandi and MrBond wrote. Sterling advice.
My W dropped the bomb almost 8 months ago. I still remember it like it was yesterday and I understand the pain and confusion you are feeling. I suggest you detach emotionally as soon as you can. I waited too long.
Please keep your chin up...you CAN do this.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
"I reached out to those closest to me for support and to ask "please speak to her. Make her see!". I think it may have lifted the fog."
No you didn't. You were (and are) still trying to control her.
"Damn it. Ashley Madison profile is still up. That's a kick in the nuts. Told me she took it down."
See?
I thought you said you were going to start DBing. Doesn't sound like you've changed. Your insecurities are what got you to this point. They're obviously still there.
Yup. You got me. After 1 whole week I am still the man I've been for 40 years. I still have work to do. A lot of it.
Me: 39 W: 38 T-18yrs M-13yrs 2 Girls: 10 & 3 EA BD 5/24/15 Separate Bedrooms 6/12/15 PA BD 7/3/15 Separate Residence 8/8/15
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
"Broke another rule and discussed it with her. Says she is lonely while we work it out and wants someone to talk to. I feel no better."
It seems like you're not interested in changing. Is that the case? I mean you complain about how you're going to change, then 5 minutes later you go right back to doing the same. Do you really want to save your M?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Last - what I maybe could have said in a less snide manner is that you've already been down this road. Why are you going back down this tunnel - you already know there's no cheese there!
This is a long process. I've been here two months - it feels like a lifetime, and yet I understand I may have many more before my W even considers R with me. So use the time. Really use it.
Last - what I maybe could have said in a less snide manner is that you've already been down this road. Why are you going back down this tunnel - you already know there's no cheese there!
This is a long process. I've been here two months - it feels like a lifetime, and yet I understand I may have many more before my W even considers R with me. So use the time. Really use it.
Matt - It always brings me joy to get someone to laugh.
Last - Both MrBond and Matt have great points. I've been DBing almost 8 months and I made many of the same mistakes you are making in the beginning. I know it's not easy. When is the last time you reviewed Sandi's Rules? I know Cadet posted the link when you first joined our forum.
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Last, listen to these guys. They know what the heck they are talking about.
We're the same age, and I read NMMNG twice, back to back. And it's still hard to make those changes after almost 40 years. You know how you do it? By doing different stuff than you used to.
And that's hard. But you've been given a great opportunity to start. Doing what you used to do (and are still doing) is what got you in this spot in the first place.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
