Hanging in there. There is a desire to slip back into the status quot. We keep ending up just hanging out together. Working to purposely pull away. She is coming back toward me just as much as I am toward her.
Had a real hard time tonight when she was out late without calling. Had to talk myself down so I jumped on the treadmill and got through it. I DIDN'T CALL!!! In the end there was nothing to it.
I am working on me. Focused on improving myself. I will learn from this experience and be a better man for it. If I can share that with her, great. If not, I will still be a better man.
I think you need to get out of the house more at night. She left you home alone to GAL, right? How many times has it been reversed?
Did I understand correctly, that she's still engaged with her online activities? Does she try to hide it or is she open about it? What has your reaction been about her continuing this type of behavior?
There's something gnawing at me, and it's how you felt so badly over exposing her. Just taking a wild guess here, but did you express your regret to her?
Did you read the link about boundaries? I think you need to get that down, b/c she is going to continue with her waywardness.
I suggest you seek out Starsky to advise you. He had a WW, and he exposed her A. They reconciled and are still together.
x2 ^^ On Starsky .... having read the book you need someone who walks THAT kind of walk because you are not going to 'nice' your W off that online drug.
Some things about the online stuff .. she will justify it, in her mind its 'Cheating Lite' and I would bet she would agrue you all night if it really is cheating as 'nothing physical (yet) has happened .. it gives me what I need... no one (cept you) is getting hurt.
You need to GAL and detach ... she has no fear of losing you, you are a Nice Guy ... hence she has just walked all over you and currently she does not respect you ... this will have to change in order for you to get what you NEED (not want) from your M.
x2 ^^ On Starsky .... having read the book you need someone who walks THAT kind of walk because you are not going to 'nice' your W off that online drug.
Some things about the online stuff .. she will justify it, in her mind its 'Cheating Lite' and I would bet she would agrue you all night if it really is cheating as 'nothing physical (yet) has happened .. it gives me what I need... no one (cept you) is getting hurt.
You need to GAL and detach ... she has no fear of losing you, you are a Nice Guy ... hence she has just walked all over you and currently she does not respect you ... this will have to change in order for you to get what you NEED (not want) from your M.
Yes I can see all of this. And yes it's about respect. I will earn it. Something I am struggling with: I am not supposed to question, but the chatting (if it's happening) is concealed. So without asking if it's going on, how do I continue to state that I don't condone it and that it crosses my boundaries?
Me: 39 W: 38 T-18yrs M-13yrs 2 Girls: 10 & 3 EA BD 5/24/15 Separate Bedrooms 6/12/15 PA BD 7/3/15 Separate Residence 8/8/15
I think you need to get out of the house more at night. She left you home alone to GAL, right? How many times has it been reversed?
Did I understand correctly, that she's still engaged with her online activities? Does she try to hide it or is she open about it? What has your reaction been about her continuing this type of behavior?
There's something gnawing at me, and it's how you felt so badly over exposing her. Just taking a wild guess here, but did you express your regret to her?
Did you read the link about boundaries? I think you need to get that down, b/c she is going to continue with her waywardness.
I suggest you seek out Starsky to advise you. He had a WW, and he exposed her A. They reconciled and are still together.
I am not sure about the chatting. My gut says yes. It's just to easy. Pretty sure I interrupted a session last night but she quit immediately and then wanted a hug from me. Why would she stop? Maybe she has, but without snooping (not doing it) or asking (not questioning either) how am I to know?
I did express regret to her over the exposure because it has made every family gathering permanently weird. I feel bad for that.
I do need to get out of the house at night. I just have to find somewhere to go/something to do!!!
That sounds like you a doing a lot of great self discovery! Keep it up!
What are you doing for GAL activities?
I am working on GAL.
So far: nightly workout reading DR and NMMNG while doing the activities within saw a movie alone planning a fishing trip alone or with a friend
My main issue is that she is home all day with the girls while I work. I get home and she wants me to take the kids (this I get). That's my time with them. So I have very limited time in the evenings to engage in activities.
This is not an excuse. I am still going to solve this problem. It's just harder in my situation.
Me: 39 W: 38 T-18yrs M-13yrs 2 Girls: 10 & 3 EA BD 5/24/15 Separate Bedrooms 6/12/15 PA BD 7/3/15 Separate Residence 8/8/15
"I reached out to those closest to me for support and to ask "please speak to her. Make her see!". I think it may have lifted the fog."
No you didn't. You were (and are) still trying to control her.
"Damn it. Ashley Madison profile is still up. That's a kick in the nuts. Told me she took it down."
See?
I thought you said you were going to start DBing. Doesn't sound like you've changed. Your insecurities are what got you to this point. They're obviously still there.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
In the end there was nothing to it.