Heavy, all I can say is that you've been slogging through this so long, you're an inspiration to me. I'm especially inspired when my W says things definitively and with a mean spirit like, "it's over, i don't love you anymore, you can't make me love you, i have a new gf, this is the new me, people change, you need to move on..." I mean, those comments make me feel despondent, but she is in the thick of her fantasy right now. I know patience is the virtue I need to cultivate, and you have been doing this for so long. I know you're weary, but also know that some of us new to this sort of mess see how you handle things with your WW, and how long you've handled them, and you give us courage and strength to fight the good fight.
So, thank you. You're in my thoughts and prayers... rooting for you now and always.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
You can do this Heavy. Sounds like you're realizing how strong you really are!
Not to take away any of the pain of your sitch, but if that's what comes of this - Heavy figuring out just how amazingly strong Heavy really is - call it a blessing.
Dif is right, you're an inspiration on here. I have no kids, my W isn't trying to screw me over in any particular way, and still I struggle. I can't imagine having to hold myself together in all of the ways that you have and having my W flaunt an A in my face all the while.
That holding together - that is STRENGTH.
Big hug Heavy,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
As for all of this chit - it is the worst. The worst days are the beginning ones of course and the shock of it all is very distressing. I am sorry you are going through this.
You will learn a lot about yourself and how strong you are. Maybe that will surprise you. Yes it is true they seem to have a script or playbook they all read from. Now I am just ignoring her antics.
There is no rationalizing or reasoning with them. Your old marriage is dead at bomb drop. They left and fired us. So here we are.
Let her get used to being without you - in my opinion stop doing anything with her or doing anything for her. Do not pursue just live your life and act as if.
She seems to want to have this both ways - having the A but still wanting to snuggle with you and kissing your hand? Wtf?!
Stay strong - your wife sounds like all the other wayward wives - confused, making bad decisions and not realizing the natural consequences their actions will bring.
Having a low PMA today and I am not quite sure why. I guess I am finally starting to accept my new normal which is a single Mom. I am a good Mother but not my first choice.
I noticed that the W had called to speak to the kids last night but I did not get the message until this morning when we woke up. I didn't apologize or anything, I just dialed the phone and told the kids that Momma had called so please say hi and let her know what you've been up to.
When we got home last night my D6 was already asleep in the car so she was out for the night. S9 and I went to bed around 8:30 ish. Summer camp and work leaves us pooped!
Again, I hear the refrain "Momma misses you so much, see you in just 2 more days!". Urgh. Again, my projection is that I hear that she is missing the things of home and is lonely but I have no proof of that, she has not said that, but it's just a feeling and we all know what cheeseless tunnels do for us. NOTHING.
I have stopped trying to "do" anything. I am doing everything myself, getting the house repaired as I can, cook, keep the car up, laundry, etc... I am just glad there is no homework for summer camp.
And here comes the 2nd guessing part.....maybe I should have texted W and said sory I missed your call last night - and explained the situation....... but then again,,,,, she fired me from that role.....right??
That's a big problem of mine - the second guessing. I have never been firm in my rational for my decision making. This can definately be added to the goals category for me. CONFIDENCE IN DECISIONS
And here comes the 2nd guessing part.....maybe I should have texted W and said sory I missed your call last night - and explained the situation....... but then again,,,,, she fired me from that role.....right??
ARGH
No reason to send anything - it's not like she asked about it this morning, right?
Still conditioned by guilt I guess. It's just that we shared everything for so long. When I would drop of the kids to school I would usually text "Drop off OK" or "Drop off not so good for D6". When I would leave for home I would text "Heading home in 10 mins" etc.... She would do the same but it was more me, the people pleaser.
So, I am having to learn to stop with those thought processes, learned behaviors. Hard Hard Hard for me.
Still conditioned by guilt I guess. It's just that we shared everything for so long. When I would drop of the kids to school I would usually text "Drop off OK" or "Drop off not so good for D6". When I would leave for home I would text "Heading home in 10 mins" etc.... She would do the same but it was more me, the people pleaser.
So, I am having to learn to stop with those thought processes, learned behaviors. Hard Hard Hard for me.
I get it. I go back and read my old posts and they talk about needing strength to go NC for a day. Or a week. It's been almost 2 months now! A day feels like nothing at this point. Just leave her alone - it's not like she isn't letting you know when she's upset about something/anything.
Yeah that's just it Matt - she is done. In her mind it's a done deal, over and out. She never asks what's up , how are you, this is whats going on - boom.
I guess that's what I said it would be - co parents not friends. It's a cold feeling.
