9.8 miles later! Wooooooooo am I tired, but it's a good tired.
So...any advice out there? I mean for the time I am going to get to spend with H? I'm shocked because I thought he would stay at his folks' house when he found out I was still going to be here. Help you guys!
Good, happy attitude. Not clingy, do your own thing, let him come to you to talk or for any contact. Smile, validate, don't iniatiate conversation that is too heavy. Act silly and cute if that's you, or just perhaps sing a song, hum along, whatever. Show him you are happy with the changes you are making to you for you.
It's great news that your H is coming to stay there with you. NOW DON'T BLOW IT !!!!!
While he's there continue to be a 'friend'....and remember!!!!
FRIENDS DON'T:
Act needy
Act sexually aggressive
Make their friends feel guilty, put upon OR uncomfortable
FRIENDS DO:
Act pleasant, upbeat and respectful
Give each other 'space'
Don't intrude upon each other's emotional state
While he's there just do whatever it is you'd do if he wasn't. Don't be a vamp...don't drag him into a relationship temperature taking talk....
THIS visit may be a test for him to see if you've really gotten your poop together or not and if you revert back to clingy...neeedy....he will use that to convince himself that as usual you're all talk and no action....
SO DON'T BLOW IT..Let him initiate any R talk, intimacy advances etc....you stay FRIENDLY and respectful of where HE might be at emotionally and put ALL YOUR wants/needs aside for NOW.
Think of his visit this way: Pretend your H is the Governor of Alaska and he's stopping in to visit with a local constituent. How would you treat the Governor if he came to spend two days at your house?
Would you offer to let him pick where he'd like to put his things (your room, the guest room, the living room?)
Would you tell him that you have Bible study from 7-9pm and so he's welcome to make himself at home while you attend your study?
Would you offer to make bacon and eggs Sunday morning?
Would you ask if he'd like to accompany you to the store, church or grannies house?
Think of your H as an 'honored guest' so to speak and act accordingly....certainly you wouldn't smother the Governor with an endless talk about your fears, pain, needs, wants....so don't do it to your H
T2
What T2 said!! She said it all. This is the way I treat my H on some days, like a houseguest a freind who's staying with me.
I make his lunches for him, I do his laundry, I take care of him right now, as I would a guest who is staying with me. Yes he could do this all himself, but I really want to do things for him with zero expectations. It doesn't matter if he says thank you or not..so I have to be really sure I'm doing it for myself otherwise, resentment sets in.
I'm very confused. He wants a home equity loan. I have to sign it, too, in order for him to get it. I don't know if this is good or bad. He says it's to pay off a secured loan against his folks' motorhome. We borrowed against their motorhome to make the down payment on our house two years ago. That way we had more than ten percent and got a better mortgage rate.
I thought he was going to get a home equity loan to buy me out of the marriage....so now what am I signing and why?
As usual, the part we keep having trouble with, we do not know what they are thinking or doing?
If he brings it up, you might, in a nonconfrontational way, ask?
As everyone said, be a friend, but go on with everyday activities. And do not (my favorite) act, react, respond, or get upset with yourself when his actions or words do not meet your expectations.
I have bible study today at 1:30 and then am going bike riding around 4. He will be here around 10. Am thinking I should zip out to the store and buy some shortcake and whip cream so I could have strawberry shortcake here for him as a treat when he gets in from his drive. I would do the same for any friend. I am usually in bed by the time he gets here, but will stay up to welcome him home, as I would for any guest. The awkward part is figuring out where we both will be sleeping...guess I will just follow his lead.
You all have given me great advice and I really appreciate it.
