Mighty - get this tattooed on your forehead (backwards so you can see it in the mirror) 'This is not about me'
What your xh is doing is classic, word for word. I am also the reason that my xh doesn't have a relationsihp, not only with his children, but (where married) their wives and families, and our old friends.
He had me go to a therapist for my craziness (I did go along but that was for me) and so on.
I have come to see that this is projection, projection and projection. With a little encouragement from OW/new friends.
It is hard, but there is nothing to defend yourself from - it isn't true, and the reality is your xh knows this deep down. But he is in a crazy place, and can't look at himself.
So we become public enemy number 1. So convenient. It is right up there with 'round up the usual suspects' in Casablanca,
