we were having a nice few moments getting ready for work. shortly later the conversation turned to the house. This has been an issue for her in the past. She has said that she felt trapped in the house. Issues there were thought to be that she didn't feel like her opinion mattered in the decision to live in that house and she felt like I forced the issue of a renovation instead of moving 8 years ago.
she has stated that she understands that my motivations were 'what I thought best for the family'
she also said that this was a big part in her 'issues' over the years that she has been trying to let them go, that she has not been able to stop dwelling on the past.
I didn't offer up solutions or excuses, in fact I listened and validated & apologized for any pain I caused.
but back to it, I did tell here that I realize this was not the first time that I've heard this and that I am trying to see things from her point of view better than I had in the past. She was upset that the damage with her being too far away from her family was already done, that she just needs to learn to get past it. I told her that was definitely a different perspective than I had, I grew up pretty secluded from extended family where she was always together with cousins & second cousins.
I asked where she would want to live instead or if she wanted to get a realtor in to do some kind of analysis to see where we really stand...that I didn't want to ignore any options. She said that she has already tried to figure that out and that there aren't really good options for as good of schooling, low taxes, big house, nice neighborhood, while not getting even farther away from family or current jobs (both have been working at same place for long time and commute would be an issue, she even said that she didn't want me to resent her for having to drive to work first time there was bad weather if we lived far away from office). As for the house, we're not sure if we will even break even on the renovation or if we are underwater still a bit.
I know I am not telling things perfect. what I hear and what I understand sometimes are close, but subtly different things...and my 'exact' memory is poor...no telephone game for me, I have always been terrible at that. important thing is that I am trying to HEAR what she is saying and fix my end...think it was CADET who mentioned earlier this week about 180's when sentiments sting...what can I do differently than I had in the past. I would rather not let any options go unexplored and I definitely don't want to just let things be sit just because I am comfortable...because there is something wrong there. (I don't want this to be me trying to just fix things either).
Anyway maybe I am leaving out details, so any help sorting this out would be greatly appreciated.
