So I have been reading Codependent No More. Wow what a eye opener I think H and I were both codependents. I think my codependency was toward trying to always make sure our R was working and worrying about it which in turn I think made h feel like I was controlling.
I realize now that it should be two people working on the R and you shouldn't need to worry or feel like you need to keep your finger on the so called pulse of things because if they are going to cheat they will no matter how much you look over their shoulder. I think I always worried about that and so tried to make sure H was always happy, and our M was good, and that we did everything together and if we didn't I would worry that something bad would happen in our M.
I am pretty sure I got that from my parents marriage where my mom would take us kids away for 3 months in the summer to our summer home and my dad would stay home and work. He ended up cheating on my mom while she was away. I am sure I got it into my head that if you didn't spend all your time together other then work and my H's 3 weeks vacation by himself it would fall apart.
I don't think I was overbearing in the sense that H never did things with friends because he did his vacations etc but I know I did worry about our marriage/cheating a lot.
