Sounding good. As difficut as it is, you cannot wonder what H is doing. We all have to focus on us.
This ride, regardless of the outcome is a long and painful one. But quit calling H, she if he calls you. Believe I know how much you want to hear his voice, but then you get upset if he does not react or respond as you hoped, then you anquish over every word said and tone and so on.
