Anger is part of this process Dif. It's real. It hurts. It comes from pain and from the perceived unfairness of our situations. I know I have it too. Boxing has helped. There are a lot of benefits from hitting things in a socially acceptable form.
God has a plan for all of us for sure, but it doesn't mean we won't feel emotions while going down the path. Lots of people on here have said that anger is the fuel to keep us out of depression. I know on the days I'm angry I get a lot more done than on the days that I'm depressed, even though neither day is fun.
All of the unanswered questions will unfortunately eat us alive if we let them. Sometimes I believe that even getting answers won't help. It's like learning why someone has passed away, it might settle your mind, but your heart still has a hole in it.
The direct contradictions between a year of study and embracing faith followed up by bad behavior makes it all even harder to swallow. My W and I housed a good friend who was going through a break up the month before she left...and she said nothing. We even counseled my sister in law on how to get her H to therapy with her weeks before my W walked out. She was the one who told my sister in law that therapy was the best option, not walking away...
We can dwell on it, and it will drive us mad. Or we can try our best to accept it and move forward. Trust the process, but also trust that the process only works if we throw ourselves into our own self development and self improvement.
My heart goes out to you over the OW. That must be gut wrenching to know about. Keep your faith in God and your faith in your own ability to handle situations that you thought might break you. You're stronger than you'll ever know.
Big hug,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
