STBX has D7 for slightly longer stretches in the summer- so I'm trying to work some longer hours to build up some goodwill for when school starts again. She had a swim meet this weekend and shaved 5 seconds off of her freestyle time - Woohoo!. While I'm not the most social person, I do enjoy the vibe at these meets. Everyone puts up tents and sort of camp out for the day and the parents all seem like a pretty good crew.
Am also busy trying to open a side business, my goal is to be up and running with an official first day of business on the anniversary of BD (that will give me a better association on that date). It's California - so even opening a small, sole proprietor business is a pain in the a** that requires a lot of forms to be filed to the appropriate entities.
Still feeling sort of a numb ambivalence towards STBX. When he had the girls last week it was apparently constant FUN time- and it sounds like that will be his MO for the summer. I was a little surprised that they actually seem to be appreciating the quieter time with me more than they used to.
I was talking sports with one of my male co-workers today by the water cooler. We chat a lot. He's a beautifully made man. Taller than me, tapered waist, not afraid to wear color, smart, funny, apparently available and when I talk to him I feel........nothing, zip, nada (except appreciation for his knowledge of the finer points of fantasy football). I wonder if that part of me will ever come to life again.
I was talking sports with one of my male co-workers today by the water cooler. We chat a lot. He's a beautifully made man. Taller than me, tapered waist, not afraid to wear color, smart, funny, apparently available and when I talk to him I feel........nothing, zip, nada (except appreciation for his knowledge of the finer points of fantasy football). I wonder if that part of me will ever come to life again.
ok, raliced, you made me smile. I was following along, quite jealous of your beautifully made man, wishing I had one, and then....... For what it's worth, Maybell said pretty much the same thing as you yesterday on my thread. I don't understand you, but you aren't alone.
Am in the midst of more co-parenting issues with STBX. He had the girls last week and returned them on Friday evening totally exhausted, sunburned and probably a little dehydrated.
The next day D7 had a swim meet. These are pretty rigorous days - we have to get up early, check in by 7:00 am, put up a tent for the day and spend 6 or 7 hours outdoors, in this case, in the 100 degree heat. D7 was completely wiped out. I struggled to get enough fluids in her and she was only at about 50%. I considered skipping the meet - but there are only four of them- and she really looks forward to them.
Now - I want to make clear - I'm not really blaming STBX for this. He's never been to a meet and I don't think he realizes how challenging they are. His version of being a good dad is playing with them and entertaining them nonstop when he has them. I realize there are worse things.
But this was something that had to be addressed - and I hate that I have to give so much headspace about how to discuss these things with him. I want to move beyond that. So I rebelled a little bit and just shot off an email with analyzing every word and comma. I had a few other schedule issues to address with him and then I just said, I wasn't sure if he was aware, but swim meets are long hard days and D7 has a better performance and D3 is easier to manage if they are both rested from the day before. No response.
Instead, he needed a schedule accommodation because he got subpoenaed to testify at a trial on Friday. I have to say I also hate that I am so suspicious that he is lying about every stupid little thing. He sent me an email yesterday at 8:30 am saying he had just been subpoenaed for Friday, had spent hours trying to find a babysitter for the girls and wanted to see if I wanted to help. And all I could think was "Yeah, right - you got subpoenaed and spent hours looking for a babysitter all before 8:30 am? Right. And I hate that I'm viewing the father of my kids with such a cynical, jaded lens.
Ah well - I'm probably extra annoyed because I'm at home today nursing D3 who caught strep throat from him.
raliced, I feel you. You just want him to get it. But he doesn't, and chances are he wouldn't have understood had you stayed together. I was always the soccer tournament / beach volleyball tournament in the sun mom, H never went to them. But I'm out of the woods on that, those events were for the teens, that time has passed.
Sorry D3 is sick, hope she feels better and you don't catch it!
Hi Raliced, I'm sorry to hear that & hope your D is better soon. My H was never really one to think ahead about drinks, sun hats, snacks and so on. That was always my job...
It must be hard to be the one who picks up the pieces when the kids come back overtired...
I don't know about the best way of handling that with their Dad...but maybe others will chime in with more helpful advice.
I agree with you on the schedule change. I know with my H and his XW, over the years there was a fair amount of give and take with the schedule and they both helped eachother, which is the best way I think....
Take care Raliced xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
On Saturday, my father had a massive heart attack and passed away very suddenly while working in my yard.
Since my separation began, my parents have been my rock. They've been there to help out with a million little things- and my father, in particular, has been in a frenzy to make sure I'm ok and the girls are ok. I can't tell you how many little household chores he insisted on taking on to help out and whenever I had a question about some sort of household maintenance he was right there to help me. At the end, he was cheerfully stacking wood for the winter. He had long had some heart problems, but the doctor told him the exercise was good for him and he took a lot of delight in it (he also did tons of work at my sister's house). And now- suddenly he is gone. I can't say - "At least I have my dad" anymore, and honestly, I have said that a lot in the past year. I feel like I have lost my ultimate place of safety. And I'm so sad, that after all the loss my daughters have experienced this year, they have now also lost such a wonderful role model.
At first, I felt like it put the divorce in perspective - it made me realize there are certainly worse things that can happen. But I've also felt rage growing inside of me. It may not be rational but I hate, hate, hate, that my father's last year was filled with so much worry and concern for me and my girls. And, while I know it isn't rational, right now, I blame STBX and his choices for that. I'm a little worried about when he takes the girls for a couple of days this week - because I'm so, so angry at him right now. I know this is how my grief is manifesting itself, and I will do my best to control my emotions - but I feel raw and wounded and very capable of lashing out. It's all too much and too close together.
OMG ral! So so so shocked and sorry for your sudden loss. I hope your friends and family IRL are there for you. Please, please, lean on them! I fear I am lacking the right words to say. I hope a hug and my sincerest sympathies will suffice.
Ral, so sorry for your loss. I'll be praying for y'all!
PS: as a Dad I will say that although he had worries & concerns for you in the past year, the o overwhelming sentiment he felt was lo e. I know that's hard to see right now but it's true.
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
but you aren't alone.