WW Conversation

[thriver]

Thriver, how long of a marriage does your jurisdiction consider a "long-term marriage" for purposes of spousal support?

You have to be married a minimum of 10 years to receive spousal support in my state.

It's possible she may not being "emotional" about her strategy at all. Anything special kick in at 5 years of marriage, or 15 years of long-term relationship ("common law marriage")?

According to the laws of my state, we were never common-law married. My state requires the following to be considered a common-law marriage:


1. That we agreed to be married (we didn't)
2. We live together as husband and wife (we lived together but we were just BF/GF at the time.)
3. We represent ourselves as married in public. (I.e. we tell people that we are married...we never did this)

Don't think WW can play the alimony or the common-law card, but thanks for bringing that up Starsky.

[thriver]

Journaling....and questions.

Lately, I've been thinking about the very little interaction I have with WW since we are separated. I only initiate contact with regards to finances. No kids.

Will a WW perceive my lack of contact and detachment as "more of the same" behavior from me? One of her complaints about our M was that I was not always "there" for her emotionally so she just stopped caring.

I'm just wondering if I should initiate more contact with her in a non-pursuing way? Or will she just perceive that as pursuit? I read somewhere about keeping the road back paved smooth. Does that apply in DB?

On the GAL front...went fishing on Saturday then a buddy came over to help me brew a milk stout. I'm very much into home brewing beer. Skydiving planned for Thursday - my second jump! Then celebrating Father's Day with my Dad this weekend.

Just trying to live my life to the fullest but I am still very lonely. When I was with W, I always felt like we had each other's backs. I felt confident knowing I had someone in my corner. I find that lacking now and it's very sad.

[Starsky309]

Thriver, how long of a marriage does your jurisdiction consider a "long-term marriage" for purposes of spousal support?

You have to be married a minimum of 10 years to receive spousal support in my state.

It's possible she may not being "emotional" about her strategy at all. Anything special kick in at 5 years of marriage, or 15 years of long-term relationship ("common law marriage")?

According to the laws of my state, we were never common-law married. My state requires the following to be considered a common-law marriage:


1. That we agreed to be married (we didn't)
2. We live together as husband and wife (we lived together but we were just BF/GF at the time.)
3. We represent ourselves as married in public. (I.e. we tell people that we are married...we never did this)

Don't think WW can play the alimony or the common-law card, but thanks for bringing that up Starsky.

OK, cool -- thanks.

[Starsky309]

Thriver, have you ever dated others during this period of separation from your wife? I know it's a HIGHLY touchy subject (and I can tell you my own opinion if you want to know, I'm right-of-center but not totally against it, under certain conditions), but considering how far along (23rd hour, 30 minutes) in your D sitch it could be the only last-minute "jolt" you could play. IF your wife is still romantically attracted to you, it can be an effective TACTIC (and I emphasis tactic, but it's NOT a strategy and doesn't really solve anything other than to get them to stop and about-face temporarily).

Just a thought.

Starsky

[thriver]

I have not dated. I don't think I am ready to date even if it means "jolting" my W out of her current thinking. As you said, there is much debate on the issue and I fall into the "no dating while you're married (even if your wife had an A and currently wants nothing to do with you)" camp. Call me old-fashioned but I made a commitment to that woman (or whoever she is now) and I will stick by it until we are D'd.

I don't see much changing between me and W if we end up getting divorced. We might as well already be divorced. We are separated, I haven't seen her in 9 months, we don't really talk. All that will be different will be a little piece of paper saying Thriver and WW are not legally married anymore. It doesnt terrify me as much as it used to. I feel like I've been divorced for over a year already.

[thriver]

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

Lately, I've been thinking about the very little interaction I have with WW since we are separated. I only initiate contact with regards to finances. No kids.

Will a WW perceive my lack of contact and detachment as "more of the same" behavior from me? One of her complaints about our M was that I was not always "there" for her emotionally so she just stopped caring.

I'm just wondering if I should initiate more contact with her in a non-pursuing way? Or will she just perceive that as pursuit? I read somewhere about keeping the road back paved smooth. Does that apply in DB?

[thriver]

Extremely sad today. Just having one of those days. I miss my W terribly. Well, not the cold, distant, selfish WW monster that she currently is, but who she used to be.

I haven't seen her in 9 months, no physical contact in 14 months. I'm tired of this crap. How can WW's cause so much pain and not even bat an eye?!?

I've been by her side for 12 years, through good times and bad. I don't deserve this.

[NDY]

Extremely sad today. Just having one of those days. I miss my W terribly. Well, not the cold, distant, selfish WW monster that she currently is, but who she used to be.

I haven't seen her in 9 months, no physical contact in 14 months. I'm tired of this crap. How can WW's cause so much pain and not even bat an eye?!?

I've been by her side for 12 years, through good times and bad. I don't deserve this.

I hear you brother. I get like that. Especially at night alone in bed.

Peace

[Starsky309]

I'm so sorry, thriver. It does get better, I promise you.


Starsky

[thriver]

Thanks NDY and Starsky.

There's so much unnecessary pain on this board caused by our WAWs or WWs. I've never been one to make decisions based on emotions. I'm a very analytical person so it drives me crazy that WWs do NOT SEE LOGIC!