RD Movin on 7

[rd500]

Hi Pink You are very kind. All you say is correct and I wonder is EXW close to breaking point. I think you are doing a great job with your sons and they are lucky to have a mum as cool as you

Just got a text from EXW saying she's homesick and hopes my visit to L/C went well. I didn't answer

Take care. Rd

[Bob723]

Just got a text from EXW saying she's homesick and hopes my visit to L/C went well. I didn't answer

Hello Rd,

How are you? You are so busy supporting the rest of us here, which is wonderful, but I hope you take some time for yourself.

BTW, good for you! Do not answer her text.

You are such a giving guy. You deserve so much better.

Your friend,

Bob

[Pink17]

Hi RD,

Thank you so much for all your support and kind words to me. They were not hard as you said. They hold the truth that I have to live right now.

I hope things are a little better on your side. I really would like if your W would come to her senses and decide to make things right.

Even if she does not want the M anymore. But that she would live a decent life without so much destruction. I see and I hear my kids and I think about yours.

How much struggle life is holding for them right now. They will keep going, but the wounds we adults create are the new wounds of tomorrow. It's sad to think that some people don't really think about the damage they leave behind.

Besides my whole nightmare, I still smile thinking about this crazy dream that one day we can sit at a pub somewhere and drink a beer laughing at all what went through.

Maybe I am really passionate and impulsive, and kind of idiot child, but I hold this dream close to me and it has been helping me to believe in that there will be a tomorrow and there is some life to live yet.

You are really helping me RD, and I hope that in some way I can help you as well. I know your life is not easy as well, and I also know that you are doing your best hanging in there.

With a lot of good feelings, I send you all the hugs and kisses for you and your kiddos.

Love,
Pink

[SunnyB]

Hey RD, just stopping in to say hello. I feel for your XW, I really do. She's miserable, obviously.

I have a question, which you certainly don't have to answer, it's really personal. Going way back to the time your W said she no longer wanted to have sex, did she present this solely as a menopausal/physical issue. Or did she spell out something else? Did you (plural usage, otherwise known as y'all) try to work on things from a medical perspective, or did you simply tell her that wasn't going to work for you? It wouldn't work for me, either, btw, but I'm just curious what went down at the time. And have you talked about that again after she became a WAW? Again, I realize that's really personal and if you don't want to answer, that's fine.

Wishing you a peaceful day, RD.

[rd500]

Hi Sunny. Nothing you could ask would be a problem. If we can't be honest on here theN we have no chance in the real world. EXW has always had a problem with sex since S20 was born She went to a sex therapist back then but I refused. It's been an issue for the last 20 years and we just sort of made the best of it. EXW rarley initiated but was very willing once it began. When she announced that she no longer wanted sex she had a few issues going on with her body Weak bladder and a few others that might not make her want to have sex She had a coil fitted to help with heavy periods.

Once the annoucement was made I reacted very badly and told her we could not go on. She begged for us to get help but I was too stubborn and said no. She asked could we stay together for the kids but I still said no It wasn't until EXW began to pull way I realised that EXW was serious and my just saying no wouldnt solve this. About this time or a few months later EXW started hanging out with a younger group from
her work and OM. ( she went out 4 times with them in 4 months. ) She also started to watch me very carefully and always wanted to know where I was , she did talk about me having another women but in a joking way. I did snoop / receive Intel but it's was all giving lifts and helping OM with his trips to hospital for his hi polar problem.

Since EXW left the only discussion re sex was when EXW called me out of the blue one evening , crying , saying the reason she had not wanted sex was that she felt I didn't love her and only wanted her for a mother and housekeeper. She did add that she now belives she was wrong. This was about 5 months ago now.
At the time I just said I was sorry she felt that way and she was mistaken.

She still has the body issues and tells me she is going through the menopause and is having serious issues with the effects of this

Thanks for taking time to post sunny I have appreciated your support for a long time now and it means a lot.

Take care. Rd. xx

[rd500]

Hi Pink. Always good to hear from you. First things first. That sit down drink , long relaxed meal , evening drinks on the balcony and midnight dance in the moonlight WILL happen ( sorry , got carried away there !!!! )


Thanks for the kind words and again I think your right The kids come first in this and we all have to remember this

We are in this and we can only control ourselves It's hard to let go and no of us can do it with ease. I think I struggle so much because EXW seems so low and talks about what a mess she's in. She contacts me most days and even after my NC boundriy she has now started texting me re kids even though she has no need to or can text kids direct. 5 texts today not one needed I was at work with S20 and both Ds S16 had his last exam today and was at home alone. EXW called in to see him and fed dogs and cats and put on oven for me

I believe time is a great healer and I'm hoping this is the case

Take extra care of yourself and the boys Pink. Please post often because I feel you need a little bit more support at the moment.


Take care. Rd. Xxxxxx

[SunnyB]

Thanks for being open, RD. I asked this because I often try to relate to a WAW, and often find that I can. After D17 was born, I had a really hard time for a while. Sex was not as comfortable, and I think I had mild PPD. It's only looking back that I wish I had the presence of mind to go to my dr and help myself, but I just couldn't at the time. H did not recognize that I needed help, either, the fact that I wanted sex less frequently and/or was less enthusiastic was seen as a character flaw, and in fact he started a string of inappropriate emails with my best friend. Eventually my physical and mental symptoms eased and I "got back to normal" but I know there was some permanent damage done emotionally. I share this only because, RD, I wonder what would have happened had you reacted differently to your W in the first place, if you had been a partner in helping her figure the whole thing out, if she had felt like it was a couple problem and not a W problem. If she thought you had her back. I know it's what I needed, but I got something else entirely.

And although it's too late to find that out, it may not be too late to address it at some point in the future. Sometimes I feel like your W is going to come crawling back someday, she doesn't seem to be able to move on without you. But when that will be and if it will be way too late, only time will tell. And maybe the lesson is not for W anyway, maybe that lesson is for you and a future partner, you never know what life will bring you. Take my ramblings with the love and good intent they were meant.

[rd500]

Thanks so much Sunny. EXW suffer PND with all 4 kids and I think if I had handled it differently then I might not be here. At the same time I have improved in ways since BD.

If I'm honest with myself EXW does seem to need me emtionally in some way. She has come forward lots in the last few months but as I tell others , words are cheap. Actions are all important

Your ramblings have helped me on more than one occasion and I always value your posts.

Take care. Rd

[SunnyB]

At the same time I have improved in ways since BD.

And that, my friend, is all any of us can do.

[Bob723]

At the same time I have improved in ways since BD.

And that, my friend, is all any of us can do.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hey Rd, thanks for all your support. Both you and Sunny put things into perspective with those 2 small sentences.

I feel for you, the most, as you are my friend. But as Sunny said, "I feel for your XW, I really do. She's miserable, obviously." I was thinking the same thing!

I can't explain it, and of course I could be wrong, but I have a feeling something positive is going to happen in your sitch.

I'll dedicate a prayer to you after I post this.

Chin up, mate.

Bob