Listen to what he has to say and continue to validate...but when he brings up stuff that has happened, just say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and let it go. He's stuck on things that have happened and he'll continue to raise those issues because of the way he feels right now. He's still trying to convince himself that what he's doing is the right course of action. He's also testing and will continue testing you to see if you revert back to the old BW05.
I wouldn't pretzel myself for him. What happened in the past, you've apologized for and right now, in the present, you are trying to be a better person and be more open. You can't change the past and it's history. He's stuck in history and he'll be there for quite some time and rewriting that history. Don't help him by providing him the paper and pen to do so.
I would only share the day to day things w/him and I would limit how much I would tell him about your emotional state right now. If he's sharing w/others, then limit your sharing w/him.
Continue to work on you and do not allow him to tear you down, make you second guess yourself. Stay the course.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My parents sent H a bday present last week and it is still sitting on dresser unopened. My parents have always loved H like their own son and have been more than generous with him/us. I don't think they deserve to be treated with disrespect. I am sure it is gulit that is keeping him from opening. They are probably wondering why they have not heard from him saying thank you. Should I address this? They have no idea what us going on.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
My parents sent H a bday present last week and it is still sitting on dresser unopened. My parents have always loved H like their own son and have been more than generous with him/us. I don't think they deserve to be treated with disrespect. I am sure it is gulit that is keeping him from opening. They are probably wondering why they have not heard from him saying thank you. Should I address this? They have no idea what us going on.
Not sure. I guess to make him feel bad, which does not help our sitch. I just feel bad for my parents. So what should I say if my parents ask about it?
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
I agree w/Matt. I wouldn't say one thing about the gift sitting there. He's a grown man and this gift issue is between him and your parents. Guilting him won't make him feel any better. In fact, it may create more resentment from him towards you and yes, he would probably say this is another behavior from the past that he doesn't like. So, please, just leave it alone. You aren't his mother.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
1) Signed up to volunteer with two local art non-profits 2) Jewelry making class 3) Seperation & Divorce Support Group...they also discuss saving marriages
Just need to book in a couple of camping trips and BBQs.
Feeling good!!
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Ok, day of questions. I have decided to finally go see L for consultation mainly about separating finances. I already had concern, but today I received call that leads me to believe H signed up for his own credit card and did not tell me. My question is since this deals with finances and has implications for me, do I question him about this? I have handled all finances in M.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Cancelled trip to wedding and informed H. Does not make sense to go with how H is currently acting. He is barely speaking to me and tantruming. I am neither being treated as spouse or friend right now. He asked why I am angry and I nicely said I wasn't and did not elaborate.
I think attending on his own might be good space for reflection and understanding that I also have a choice in all of this. Hoping he will have some sort of aha moment in listening to two other people say there vows and what that means. Not counting on it. I feel I would just cloud that opportunity though if I was there. He clearly needs more time to figure out what he wants. If I felt at all like he wanted me there I would have gone.
I plan to still take the days off and do some nice things for myself and have my own time for reflection.
Last edited by BW05; 06/17/1511:40 AM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
