So sad that I can't even think !!

[CindySy]

So discouraged about my new car

[CindySy]

My day keeps going better and better
My H will tell our girls that he is in a relationship this weekend. (Another girl he works with but not the 2 other affairs) I hate that he will break their hearts. I knew that was going to be his next step but still not easy.
I am starting to hate him & I do not like that feeling.

[Matt777]

Cindy - I can't really reply much right now.

But get back up and get back on your path. You have to let H go on his own journey so you can work on you. Your kids know that you are there for them. That's all that you need to worry about right niw.

[CindySy]

Thank you again Matt777 for the words of wisdoms again.

[RosaLinda]

ugh Cindy, that's awful about your brand new car. Sometime people can be so mean and destructive. So sorry.

Now about your last posts! First, congratulations on your purchase of a kayak! Remember I told you my ex gave away all of his possessions? Well OUR kayak was one of them, it was a family kayak, not just his. I paid for it and kayaking was one of my favorite things to do. That sounds like a great GAL activity for you! Did you notice that there is a new "GAL Gal and more Gal" on the forum?? You should add kayaking! (I am pretty darned proud of myself for embedding that link, hope it works )

And about you feeling like you lost control in yelling at your H and telling him you never wanted to see him again and that you would get him fired, yikes.

....I don't understant why he keeps wanting to help me and being nice to me.....I think he feel obligated sometimes...I hope I didn't screw it up for us one day, I will keep my emotions in check from now on I have too, it not an option.

The DB advice is usually to STFU and validate our WAS's feelings, and to give them space and time to work on themselves and figure this all out.

But believe me, as incredible as it may seem, you did NOT screw anything up for the two of you in the future. Especially if your H is really having a MLC, and it really sounds as if he is, he will not remember half of what you and he said during this time period. My ex remembers very little of things that happened during the past 6 years, and seems to have substituted his own skewed version of the events he does remember. And gets upset and does not believe me when I tell him some of the things he did.

Like Matt said, just dust yourself off and get back on your path. Your H is continuing to help you and being nice to you because he does not want want you, yet at the same time does not want to completely let you go. He does not know what he wants. So your job is to let him go so he can figure it all out.

My H will tell our girls that he is in a relationship this weekend. (Another girl he works with but not the 2 other affairs) I hate that he will break their hearts. I knew that was going to be his next step but still not easy.

Your daughters are young women, in their 20s. They're not little kids, they probably already suspect that your H has been having an affair. A lot of how they react will depend on how you react. Show them how a woman can act with class, honor and dignity in such a situation. But most of all, reassure them that both of you, you and your H, will always love them and that this has nothing to do with them.

My sons are also adults, older than your girls, and they lost a lot of respect for their dad because of his actions over the years. They both also needed reassurance that our breakup had noting to do with "bad stuff" they had done, despite the fact that they were about 25 and 40 at the time. My H is trying to reconnect with them, but gaining back lost respect is a real hard, uphill battle.

[CindySy]

RosaLinda, you made me laugh when I read this: "he will not remember half of what you and he said during this time period." because he does already say things & do things that he doesn't remember.....it's so crazy....I totally saw him in that comment. I really must learn to STFU & validate WAS's feeling. It's a must.

It feels to good to have this support here....it's everything to me right now.

I couldn't find the GAL idea thread? I would love ideas too.

I appreciate your time & comments.

[Cadet]

I couldn't find the GAL idea thread?

CLICK on the red link in Rosalinda's post

[CindySy]

Cadet, it doesn't work

[Cadet]

Cadet, it doesn't work

try again I just changed it

[RosaLinda]

Ugh, and I was so proud of myself for embedding that link to the new GAL thread LOL Thank you Cadet, for coming to our rescue and fixing it. You do so much around here, and help us all so much, and we do so appreciate you!

RosaLinda, you made me laugh when I read this: "he will not remember half of what you and he said during this time period." because he does already say things & do things that he doesn't remember.....it's so crazy....I totally saw him in that comment. I really must learn to STFU & validate WAS's feeling. It's a must.

I am not an expert by any means, and my only experience with mid life crisis is from observing my own ex and from the info people have shared on this forum, but it sure sounds as if your H is going through one to me, Cindy.

I wanted to talk to you a little about your H's OW. You never really mention how it makes you feel, but my guess is -- devastated. Is that right?

I go by the "bandaid" theory of OP during a MLC, that the OW is just a bandaid which the MLCer is using to try to ease some of his depression and unhappiness with himself. He sort of needs something or someone to take his mind off what is really going on with himself. It could be a woman, drinking, gambling, a new car. A sort of distraction. The OW must herself be a flawed individual - what self respecting woman has an affair with a married man?

I have read a lot of stuff on the forum about OW/OM, and the consensus seems to be that the MLCer is looking for someone to whom he can feel superior, who will boost his ego and make him feel powerful and admired. She has to be a person of weak character and integrity and values, who is willing to accept the the very worst part of the MLCer -- a broken man who is a deceiver, liar, cheater.

A woman with strong values and moral integrity wants nothing to do with a married man, even if he gives her all of the lies so many of them use, that they are in a loveless sexless marriage. She tells him to call her when he's divorced. My ex used to tell all of his OW (I'm sort of ashamed to say that I snooped and read all of his emails ) that he was in a loveless, sexless marriage to a "cold hearted serial cheater" but could not leave "because of his children." He never mentioned that his "children" were around 25 and 37 at the time LOL

Please don't feel that she is better than you in any way because this broken man has chosen her over you. Ignore her and let their relationship die a natural death, as all relationships which are based on lying and cheating must do in time.