Maybell XXXVI: Moving Day

[Underdog]

Maybell, I relate to you because I was so much like you. So please know what I say comes from my own experiences and the ability to see things a little differently 12+ years later.

How you write reflects what's going on in that head of yours.

Betsey, I know you have a point on my mom. But my brothers have each stepped up and offered one really nice thing that made a material difference to me.

This should read (in your head):

I know you have a point on my mom. Thank goodness my relationship with my brothers is growing closer. I'm so grateful for that. My dad also asks me how I am before he asks about the kids.

Before I get back to this, go back and read the part about your mom doing the best job she can. Apparently, she's missing the maternal gene you so desperately crave. Try to forgive her for not being that person to you as a parent. You don't have to love her or do anything more, dearest. Just accept her for who she was and is and let.it.be.

You have a really structured opinion/belief system on how things and people *should be*. Think about how that is working against you now. From what you post, your joy is diminished by others and what they think of you, say to you or do to you. Is that true, Maybell?

Anger is a compass, sweetie. It tells you that there is a disconnect between your belief system and reality. It serves a purpose, but it is not meant to be a semi permanent state you dwell in. You're not supposed to have your mail forwarded there or get a phone line installed there either. It's a shelter from the rain.

That being said, I'll say this with a little more clarity. IMO, it would be a really great exercise to dig deep and look at your belief system through a microscope. List statements you think. Stuff like, "My mom should want a better relationship with me." Then take a look at your feelings and seek out the truth between those two things. I would highly suggest reading some Byron Katie books (start with the first one) before doing this. I truly believe that you continue to wear glasses that have an old Rx that prevent you from seeing clearly.

I again want to reiterate that we Aries girls share some things in common. I read Byron Katie on the suggestion of another former poster here for the same reason. It was an eye opener. Another book my adopted mom here asked me to read was called God Loves an Unmade Bed. It addresses our perfectionism and how it gets in the way of living a fulfilled, happy and flawed life.

I can see why you're exhausted, and I truly empathize with you. I've done this with small kids and one of them with intellectual disabilities. I get it. I really do.

So post back to me and I don't want to see any use of the word BUT. Take your time. Absorb truths instead of deflecting them.

Hugs,
Betsey