That lady singing - is she fat?

[Smothy]

Sorry, Py. I didn't want to sound bitter. These days are getting harder not easier. Can feel the anxiety again, after finding some peace and sleeping for more than 4 hours a night, I now feel the urge to reach out to him before I see him at the airport. We have not spoken since the first week of April. Sleepless nights, again.

[Pyrite]

I know what you mean about "died". When someone dies you are expected to love them and honour their memory. It is possible to do that now, but it is unexpected news to others.

My WAS makes it very hard to cherish our memories when she insists on rewriting history and denying them, flaunting OM in my face, in my bed, etc.

Widows garner a lot of sympathy. But divorcee's - zilch. People just expect that it was what we wanted.

Expect the best, prepare for the worst. So the worst - how is that worse than where you already have been? you'll be alright Smothy. you'll be just fine. yeah it hurts and it sux, and it isn't fair - but you will be OK. If the best - then enjoy .

[NDY]

My WAS makes it very hard to cherish our memories when she insists on rewriting history and denying them, flaunting OM in my face, in my bed.

Yes. This. This is where the detaching is difficult. Sure, I get why we need to do it and understand the necessity. But the loving unconditionally and being the lighthouse is difficult when this is happening. The longer this goes on the more I think it's a deliberate attempt to really punish me, not about a new life for her. But I'm most likely way off the mark with that one.

[Huddy]

I'm glad it's not just me feeling I'm being punished for something.

[NDY]

Every time I believe she has no other way of twisting the knife she goes ahead and becomes very creative.

[Cadet]

The longer this goes on the more I think it's a deliberate attempt to really punish me, not about a new life for her.
But I'm most likely way off the mark with that one.

I guess I disagree, this has nothing to do with YOU from her point of VIEW, other than YOU being in the way.
DETACH and get out of the way and you will see it clearly.

[Vapo]

^^^^^^ Like Cadet wrote...

[Smothy]

Py, it sounds silly, but I really don't know what the worst will be. For me every behaviour that shows indifference but civility is another twist of the knife.

I just want him to show that our 25years together meant something. Every time he does something to reinforce it doesn't I feel another stab and more pain.

I am having a hard time on the compassion and understanding front. H has informed me our court hearing for our decree nisi is tomorrow.

[Smothy]

We do need to do what Cadet says, detach, move out of the way and begin to see things more clearly.

[Pyrite]

hey Smothy, I know how much this hurts. I get the "I'm so happy" smile as well. Actually she has even told me this outright.

The bottom line is - he is detached! This is how you would act to if you were detached, or I. What hurts maybe is that they got their first, they moved on and told us about it later - so we have to do it all in the midst of grief, without AP to smooth over all the wounds.

It will be different. Your Hs detachment will be yours. My W's happiness will be mine one day. At least for me it might be lasting, at least not medicating, well thats what I tell myself.

It is not easy. It is not fair. It hurts and really there is nothing that will change this. But there are things we can do to heal, and heal well. You know these things already. Remember, you dont have to "achieve", you just need to practice. Guaranteed you will achieve gradually without noticing. Sometimes you will have a significant success. Practice.

Good luck for the next few days Smothy. IF - IF - I am not here know that I am thinking of you. (((Smothy)))