I don't understand how this can be allowed to continue. She's been in an A for over a year, isn't working, and is using your money to put fuel in the car she's driving to OM, and using your money to pay for a cell phone that she's using to sext back and forth?
See, whether or not your D she is no longer behaving like your W. She has essentially told you it's over, and she's no longer M with you.
I just posted this earlier today: If you liked your boss, but then they fired you, and then later told you that production was down...would you pitch in on the weekends for free because you cared about them, they are hurting, and you can help?
Of course not. You'd care enough that you'd be willing to entertain taking the job again if you knew that you could rectify the historic issues so it could be mutually beneficial. This analogy is good for their 'temperature checks' and 'cake eating' too, because how many times do they say things to lead LBS's to believe they are reconsidering in an attempt to manipulate? Kind of like an employer saying "come work for free for a while and maybe we'll put you back on the payroll if you do a good job". I can't type the kind of response that deserves!
Personally I think I'd file. It's a process anyway. If it shakes her up you can reevaluate but don't count on it. If it doesn't, do you want to stay in an open M? In some ways I think not filing just shows your willing to.
I'd also get my own account, and only provide for the kids. You don't need to support her. She can figure that out now. Yes, she'll spew, as will her family and everyone on 'her side'.
Oh- I'd get a DB coach for SURE. I never feel bad about enforcing my boundaries because I am operating on the advice of a DB coach, IC, and L. It helps me know I'm not reacting on emotions, but am following the lead of some experts.
But that's just for me. It's up to you to decide when.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
