Checking in again. I regret I don't get more time to come on here and read about updates on others. I've been really busy but happy for the most part.
I was going full-blast serious with my current bf but decided to take a step back. We were going to move in with each other this upcoming month but with my sister recently graduating and looking for a job in the same area I live I decided to wait a bit longer and learn from my divorce not to jump in so quickly. I still love this man just don't want to do the divorce thing again lol 😁 so I'm thinking I'll move in a bigger place with my sister and she is okay with letting him move in if later down the road we decide that's best for us.
I've been eating super healthy and have been feeling great. I'm finally saving money after the debt divorce put me through and I like my job. I had some revelations with the therapist this week. I blamed myself towards of the end of marriage for not caring enough, but then he pointed out some horrific things my ex had done that made me stop caring. For most of the divorce I was pretty cool and collected considering...i did indulge in those occasional phone calls begging ex to reconsider his decision to divorce. But I didn't key his car or she for alimony. In general I was ideal for an ex wife. And up until recently I withheld my animosity towards ex. But then receiving s letter about him evading taxes with my name attached as well as him blaming me because he failed to pick up the rest of his stuff took the cake... He's lucky I still kept it. So I then realized ex has a habit of blaming me for everything wrong in our marriage and there on after. I admit....i wasn't perfect but he certainly was no angel. So he said he was going to ignore me if I kept saying mean stuff about him. Fine... I don't care. But when he ignored my calls regarding tax evasions I wrote a long letter that had everything I ever wanted to say to him on it but didn't because I didn't want to scare him away.
So my letter went something like dear ex, so you don't want to talk to me because you're afraid I'll hurt your feelings. Try living in a marriage with someone who does that everyday and then leaves you in financial ruins. I had to accept his mother called me names and accused me of trying to get pregnant for money. The first time I stood up to her he threatened divorce and I shied away. He called me fat and plain all the time. (I was fat but have since lost a lot of weight after the divorce). After we were married he said I couldn't pursue graduate school if I wanted kids because that would make me a neglectful mother. He made me choose between children and a career. He refused to move away from his parents despite the fact they continuously tried to ruin our marriage going as so far as suggesting we separate to be happy (when at that time we were). So yeah....i put up with all that and learned to grow thick skin. And in the end I deserve to say what I want without him complaining. So it felt damn good to write that letter furthermore getting a response about the taxes from him. I guess it doesn't pay to be nice if you're dealing with a narcissist. But after having wrote this letter I feel like I have nothing more to say and wouldn't be sad if those were my last words to him.
So I'm strong now and confident. I have a good man in my life who supports me on everything I do and most of all I got here myself. Hindsight is truly 20/20 because thinking of being with him again makes me disgusted. He was an emotional bully and tried to break me down to his ideal wife. Well next person I marry better love me like this or they don't deserve me
