Yesterday morning I sent text to H apologizing for conversation when I returned from trip. His response was understanding and that there is nothing easy about all of this. He has not been home all weekend, and to be honest, it has for the most part been really good. I have spent quality time with myself, rested, exercised, watched hockey, read, done yard work, and spent time soaking up some sun. I certainly find my mind is clear and I can think more rationally. It wouldn't be so bad to be on my own again. At least I know I will survive. In this state it is easier to see that he has a lot of work to do on himself to be ready to recommit and join me in rebuilding our M, but that is certainly a ways off.
Have no idea where he has been staying and I will not ask.
Last edited by BW05; 06/14/1507:47 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
I've been thinking about you and finally caught uo with your sitch.
In my opinion, you are getting stronger. I think it's a great sign that you are not going to ask your H where he is staying.
Another step toward detachment! I have faith in you and know you can do this.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
*Hugs*
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
So, H apparently listened to me on Friday say he should move out now. At first he put up a fight and asked why he should move. I said because up you are the one walking away from M and having A. We did not make a final decision, but looks like he has. Doesn't look like he will come home tonight either and have not heard from him since reply to my text on Saturday. Deep down I think he needs something like this to feel like he might lose me. Still fighting urge to reach out and have moments of worry this pushes him a away for good, but I will hold tight and not contact.
Still have wedding trip this weekend, so assume he will be home at some point this week.
I am enjoying having space to myself and continue to feel more detached. Had great bootcamp today. Need to record compliments I am getting about weight loss and how good I am looking and play back when I have moments of weakness with H.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Spoke to soon. H is home. He said hello and I said hello back. He went straight up to room laying in bed with door open. The door open is different. Wonder if he is waiting for me to initiate conversation. I am not making any effort first after Friday. Ugh...
Last edited by BW05; 06/16/1503:34 AM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Ok, tried to be friendlier and make more small talk this morning while keeping it about household stuff. Still getting the angry teenager additude. Guess now he is tantruming because I told him I think he should move out. I have been for the most part more than patient and calm given what has been transpiring and could have dealt with his A in a much different way.
I have made it clear that I am unhappy with his choice, but willing to TRY and work through his A and have been keeping the light on. I have had a few minor meltdowns, but still I am proud of how I have handled myself. One of my issues in past has been pent up anger leading to name calling. H said he lost respect for me due to this. Since BD I have done 180 by keeping anger and check and have not name called once.
Trying to break the ice a bit as we will have a lot of together time this weekend, including a 5 hr drive from airport.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
So, he's still throwing the silent temper tantrum stuff at you. You've made attempts to talk to him and he's not being civil about things, so...now step back. The ball is in his court to be civil.
If you have pent up emotions and/or anger, then go outside and take a walk or do something physical that will help you relieve that stress. Do not engage in any name calling or verbal tiffs w/him. He's wanting you to pick a tiff w/him to justify why he's doing the things he's doing...don't give him that satisfaction.
You may not be able to break the ice w/him. Don't try so hard that you look like you are pretzeling yourself for him. If he doesn't interact w/you, then cease the chatter.
Stay the course and keep your focus on you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Also, H keeps saying he is trying to see if we can get past our issues/ the past and then brings up stuff like me saying I am afraid to be too vulnerable right now. This is even though I have shared stuff with him that I have held back for years. He is certainly taking in my every word and action and analyzing it and it seems he is working hard to prove my changes wrong and convince himself it won't work even though I know he is seeing positive changes. He has brought up vulnerability multiple times. What are thoughts on sharing feelings right now? Seems like it should be a no if he is not willing himself.
He also keeps saying that he won't stop having emotional connections with others, both male and female, to discuss our issues and what he has going on in his life. He just keeps reiterating that he doesn't want to share those thoughts with me and needs an outlet. I validated and said that I understand why he does not want to share with me but want to become that person he can do that with in the future.
Last edited by BW05; 06/16/1501:40 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Yes, I have found good outlets for anger. I don't want to be that person anymore. I am not trying too hard to break ice. I have thrown him a bone today and will now let him be to make choices in how he wants to interact.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Yes, I do feel I am getting stronger day by day. I am slowly giving up on any sort of timeline for this.