Yes, she obviously feels that I am in control of everything. That must have felt bad and I yes I can and will work on that. However here is what I did to make her feel like she was an equal partner:
PRO's
1. Had house in both of our names 2. Had her on all accounts, we merged ours years ago 3. I showed her where all the account numbers were, passwords, etc... 4. I took her with me when I interviewed to see if we BOTH liked it enough to move 5. Got everyone onto my health insurance (because I got the job first). She could have gotten her own, but we were alreay established so she just joined mine.
CONS
1. Got us both burial plots side by side in family cemetary - She did not like that
2. She wanted to sell her car which I did and we jointly decided to purchase a minivan. She HATED it, I told her to sell it then, or drive my car. She blamed me for "forcing" her to get the minivan. Maybe I did push to strongly about that choice.
3. I took over doing the bills because she didn't like it, I did got her cards in her name, but maybe it felt like she didn't have access to her own money. I complained when she would max out the credit cards but in retrospect, we should not have joined our accounts. She saw it as a contol issue.
4. I was all about safety and put a fence topper on the back fence as it was buttressed by an alley, she saw it as not safety but walling us off maybe?
5. Again, I had two web cams that I showed off to all of our friends, first it was a dog cam, then baby cam, the nanny cam, smometimes I pointed it outside to see whose dog pooped in our yard! It was never hidden and always in plain sight. She claims now that I was spying on her in the house. Jeez, I had those cams for years and the issue me spying on her never occured to me or came up. But yes, if she says it made her feel creepy then it did. She had the app on her phone too and used it to check in too but that's not the point.
But this is not about defending myself. It's abuot her perception, I get it, so yes, there must be something to it. I will look closer into this issue.
